The feeling of hopelessness that I have right now for this team is based on a higherarchy of victims that is either "operator" or "victim" or "victim operator" that puts the true victim of this crime in the lowest position of all by wealthy people that are afraid to step forward. There is nothing lower than people that feel themselves better because they've involved themselves in the crime, forsaking their own friends and families that know nothing about what they are doing.
There isn't much you can do about apathetic snobs that feel that they are above you because they know what you are thinking and use the crimes committed against you to keep themselves safe. It is the most horrendous situation that I've seen because of the willingness to put me in the position of target, constantly.
Today, I attended a #ResistPride march in Palm Springs and I realized one thing. None of the operators from this system, including my own boyfriend, weren't there. They are above the problems that the rest of us suffer from. Housing, equality, food, medical attention and health care...these operators feel themselves "luckier" than the rest of us because of one man, Jeffrey Katzenberg. He feels that he's saved five people...and that's his effort. Big deal. Five out of six hundred and fifty isn't a drop in the bucket, it's a tear in a salted sea. There isn't anything lower or less concerned that a billionaire that thinks he's done his best by helping people that refused to help anyone else for years. It's not a victory, it's a huge loss for the LGBTQ community when one man severs ties with 650 community members in favor of a system of torture and enslavement. I think it is ridiculous to have slaughtered my rape case to save five people when helping tell the truth would have saved hundreds. He's wrong...dead wrong.
Not one single friend of mine was at that rally because they are all operators of this system or they have decided to leave the area for their own personal reasons. It was empowering to know that there are still people in our community that care about each other. There are still people that are willing to believe that working together towards a common goal is better than separating themselves into some elite group of say nothing gays. This whole idea that our community is better silenced and divided is something that Jeffrey and Marilyn have promoted for nearly a decade. They believe that the LGBTQ community is better served with disease and terrorism of the unknown than the truth about what happened to their own kid. I think that is a point at which I break from this team. I don't work with people that I can't advocate for. How can I advocate for people that think themselves better than me?
There really isn't a reason to continue to do this work in Palm Springs when the operators are all talked into some ridiculous notion that we are stronger silenced. There isn't a lot of pride there. There's a lot of superiority. I don't feel the need to advocate for the operators when their entire mantra for thirty years has been, "If you don't LEAVE ME alone, I will tell Kevin." Well guess what? Kevin knows now and that isn't going to help any of you any longer. I know who Laurie is better and longer than most of you. I've seen her for many years doing exactly what she is doing with no wires right now. I have her HIV inside of me and I have her written restraining order full of lies. I have her police contact on that application and I have not received any help from him, though Christopher did for not telling the truth. It would seem that if you are willing to lie for the police, then you are someone that they will help. I'm not that informant. There are too many other innocent victims that never got that opportunity and there are many that are dead. My obligation is to the true victims of this crime for they are the innocent. Operators have Jeffrey Katzenberg on their side...that's enough support for anyone. Until you see that he's stolen what Laurie has from me, then you are no better off with him.
When you look at the world as it is today, we really aren't "Making America Great Again", we are throwing it back to the darkest ages of racism and class. As long as people like Jeffrey are willing to use their money and power to keep our community divided, there will never be equality for anyone. How can the operators be better than the victims? Most of them are victims. They've forgotten what this is like for the innocent. They can't protect themselves and they can't do anything but try to reason with these operators to stop her...and he won't do it.
The victims are, in essence, enslaved to these people. They are the slaves of inequality by the PSPD and by the very man that thinks that a crime once occurred in his home and to his son, but no longer feels that way because of his own involvement.
When you get right down to it, it's a matter of gay men putting themselves back into a closet of a whole different kind. You are either willing to be a member of our community without secrets that hurt it or you aren't. I'm not the kind of person that is willing to compromise the innocent members of our community because I know better. I have to advocate for people that deserve it, not people that expect it. It isn't enough to advocate for people that know the truth, that's not who this was for. I advocate for the parent that doesn't know how their 15 year old got HIV or and STD and now has to listen to Brian and Laurie for the rest of his life. I advocate for the cop that got fired because he or she wouldn't do what Laurie told them to. I advocate for the rape victim that the PSPD threw away because he was gay and Laurie made up some stereotype for him. I advocate for the victim that heard voices and didn't know why. The rest of you can advocate for yourselves. You know what you are hiding and you know what it is costing our community. If you have no pride in us, then don't try to tell me you have pride in yourself. This is a gay community, not a gay caste system promoted by a Hollywood producer and his wife.
