There is no doubt that I could have solved this case right after Sedona, Arizona and our vacation. Lori was in clear violation of her own bogus restraining order. I know because she was there and she was in contact with my friends...a clear violation of that order. She literally went from being a DNA suspect in my rape to some kind of victim of workplace violence all because nobody said anything they should have. There were opportunities to stop her along the way as well.
The decisions that other people made added eleven more years to this crime and my constant torture. It's kept me in a place I hate longer than anything else. I have to make decisions based on no knowledge all the time. When we began it was a lot easier to communicate but now there is absolutely none...and someone is still responsible for my missing money.
I am fine right now but what happens after this is a complete unknown with a serial killer and a team of friends helping her. I can't imagine risking my life for these people. All I tried to do my whole life was be honest and a good friend. That doesn't appear to work very well. I have to make a shift in this paradigm that allows me to be myself but still a warrior in this fight. Jeffrey took a lot away from me with no thought as to how that would hurt my family. I've never understood why a man would do this if he wasn't involved with the criminals. Apparently he was a bit too involved with a few of them.
There really hasn't been much love in my life for a long time. I don't email or phone call...and I never really had a problem like that. It's a very lonely place to be left.
The reason I get so angry with Jeffrey is simply because he didn't have the right to step into what I built then tell everyone not to do what we were already doing. We, as the victims of this crime, have a right to stop Lori from hurting us and others. It has to be us because nobody else would know about this crime. The victims know that you have to fight back. I think Jeffrey took away all of our fight. He took away my happiness and joy. He did nothing more than tell people he would help so they didn't have to then he didn't help. So his game isn't much different than Lori's after the rapes and implantations, he promises to help and shoos away anyone that would have. That's not help, it's just more of the same.
I already had a relationship with someone Lori wanted to hurt. Steven and I were best friends if nothing else and I still shake my head at what happened there. So when I met Christopher, I tried harder and did better, but still other people got involved and Jeffrey pushed him away. Then came all the same tactics, stealing my money, hiring people that Lori knew at my work, trouble applying fo, r jobs, and all the usual lies that come with being Lori's favorite person to hurt. There wasn't any help from Jeffrey to me, there was a lot of help from Jeffrey for them.
He was told to stay out of my relationship with Christopher. Telling Christopher not to talk to me is a direct violation of that request. I did not just tell him, I told his wife the same thing. Do not get involved in my relationship. That became his most important weapon against me, keeping the two informants apart. That's not how this investigation began and it isn't allowed on my team. Why would it be? It doesn't look at all helpful to the protection of the people to keep hurting my friends that are already a part of this project. It looks like Lori's people did what they always do...ruin everything. None of this would have been possible without Jeffrey's help...we stayed friends for many years with lots of shit going on, it was Jeffrey's "promise to help Kevin" that was in direct conflict with Missy's "Never help Kevin" message. She won because she got in his face, and my friends believed his promise. There isn't anything good about what he did.
Where are my friends and what is this local team doing to stop Lori. We haven't seen a single effort yet and it's been about 13 years. Is there any reason to believe that this is going to change? I've got nothing more than the proof of who she is and how she lied to the court. I've got lots of instances in my own life where she interrupted and almost got people jailed, killed, or thrown out of their life. In fact, my whole life has been a cautious one filled with the worst case scenarios played out. There were better things like my dad being acquitted after Lori pushed him into a child molestation case. I know better than to let the negative energy continue through my life, but damned if these parents don't keep shoving it in my direction. I realize that Jeffrey wanted his name kept out of this, I should have insisted that his influence be kept out of it too. In this crime you can't play both sides...so he's either on my side or hers. He's picked hers for a long time.
I tried to get to the point where people would understand my situation with Lori. We were in the same town but we were never friends. She's a year older than me in school. She developed "a thing" for my sister and that meant I was her target for life. When I made the decision to publicly fight against Lori's crime, it was because I wanted to live my life with Christopher. It's not easy to speak out like that but Lori kept telling everyone lies about who I was. I wasn't a former employee of hers, not an operator, not a high school chum, not ever her boyfriend or her brother's, I didn't give anyone HIV. I was simply a guy that had a sister Lori lusted after. I tried to be successful and was but was also being stalked everywhere by people I didn't know.
Either Jeffrey didn't understand the tons of times I've been hurt by Lori's actions or he just doesn't care. Instead he kept me hurt and kept me poor. He deleted my life with one keystroke. A phone call. A lie. He never acted responsibly as a father or as a person that has won awards for being a humanitarian. I've seen nothing like that. I've never experienced anything but bad decision after bad decision. That's how a one year request to stay away from Kevin became 11 years of extra torture.
He's a grown man. I've heard that he acts childish and likes to play the anti-Kevin...that's too bad. I treated him like the father of a best friend. I was as respectful as I could be under the circumstances. I am a man too. I don't think I've ever heard of a man telling another man's friends to "not contact" Kevin for any period of time. Who does that?
You see, I didn't do anything to the victims of this crime but try to help them. I didn't ask for anything from the victims' families. I didn't exploit their pain because this is a miserable life. Nobody should have, including Jeffrey who wanted his name kept out of this but did things that brought him in. It was his choice of employee that used him and his name and he was fine with it then. If I didn't go along with it, I was punished. I was told it was Jeffrey that wouldn't allow me to move to San Diego but that it was offered. If he said no or caused problems it was because he thought he had some kind of ownership of my life. I fail to see how any of the things he's done have benefitted me in any way. I am a much less happy person today because of his influence and money. Of course, I am still his son's best friend. This is a serious situation that has come up again.
I don't understand how a humanitarian could hurt my project which is all about humans and being helpful. I was right to assume he would agree, but wrong to assume he wouldn't take over and make a huge mess. For him to use me this way is a huge disappointment. He's the kind of person that I don't usually like. Someone that says one thing to your face and stabs you in the back.
He took a lifetime of living with this torture and my experience with it, and threw it all away. Everything I've had to do since was by myself and without anyone's support that I can touch upon. He literally accepted this life I have now as the only option for me. He enforced it by taking my own money and doing it with my sister. That said I can hurt you and I can do it with your own family. This is something else that Lori would never have been able to do. I think it's a pretty big assumption on his part that he makes these decisions for me. This is a problem because he is frequently coming down on the side of Lori's friends. Any solution that keeps me near her is not a good idea, so why keep me from being able to move?
I never wanted to be at odds with any of my friends' parents. I am always the person that they trust with their kids and am the responsible one. I've been so hurt by the things he's done. He's made my life feel insignificant but he also did it by telling everyone a lie. He never intended to help me, and I didn't ask. It was how he did get involved that makes me wonder. I wanted to like my friends' families, I already love their sons. He's made that impossible to feel like it should have. I was the one that contacted them to let them know that I was the person that loved their sons. I was the person that told the truth to them. It was Jeffrey's people that contacted them otherwise.
What should have been a simple case of being fooled by MIssy and David in Sedona, turned into some kind of weird support for half of Lori's team. It's sickening to think that I put my life on the line for the police, these families of my friends, and especially Benjamin, only to have his father, a business tycoon, assist them in getting away with it. What happened there should have been told to me by Anthony and Jonathan, so that I could protect myself. I can't protect myself with a man running about telling everyone that he is going to help me when he helped the stalkers. My life, my sister's life, our kids, my mom and dad, all in tremendous danger because he wants to play at this. There is no guarantee that he isn't leading my whole family into a buzzsaw. He hasn't shown one bit of compassion for me and often times has put me in danger in favor of Missy's plans. How is that humanitarian?
How could he possibly think that I would trust him or trust anything he says to my friends? It would be a bad decision to do that. Yet, he feels so undone by my saying so. If I don't, you'll hurt someone else. I am not doing my job if I don't tell you what I think. If I kept his name out of this, I wouldn't have anyone left in my life.
I never asked for Jeffrey's help. That's what David, Missy, and Bessie did. I had no idea that a father of a victim could backstab his own son. Who does that and claims to love their kid like no other? I'm the person that said I would help Benjamin and I did...it was his father that put an end to that. You don't see Missy, David, or Bessie trying to help any victims of this crime, just victimizing more of our families. Jeffrey's plan appears to be to hurt the victims more and that doesn't work for me.
The bottom line is that when we had the best chance to stop this crime, Jeffrey balked. If his decisions are based solely on the well being of Bessie, David, and Missy then we have to lose him. I am allowed to try to solve my own rape and shooting, i don't think he has any right to stop the witnesses from talking to me or law enforcement. He took that away from me. Me in Sedona wasn't what he made it out to be. I was there on a vacation to get away from Lori Lafond and her friends, he brought her friends to her.
My life is so small now that I can barely see it. I don't go anywhere and I don't talk to anyone. I work, I eat, I sleep, and that's it. Any chance of solving my rape disappeared with the money Bessie stole. I can't hire my own attorney with the money I worked for. I can't move because it was for that too. He knew that. He brought my sister into it. I can't trust anyone now. It's probably the worst thing he could have done.
I don't know exactly what I did to him, but whatever it was, it was not planned or intended the way he took it. I was simply trying to free my friends and myself from the oppression of this crime. He made it last longer and got more painful as it went. When I would say something he would get pouty and angry with my team. If he wanted to help his son's problems, then he should have stuck with his son. He's making my family hurt and he's doing it on purpose.
Finally, there is Christopher. Jeffrey didn't give two fucks about him when he got arrested and he knew Lori was behind it all. So an innocent man going to jail did not bother him at all. For him to ask Christopher to stay away from me says he didn't give a fuck about me either. Christopher has his own choices to make in this lifetime, but so do I. I committed to stopping this crime because I had no choice, and now I have even less of a choice that includes Jeffrey. It's like he disapproves of me. It's like he can't let me do this for the victims or he will look bad. I don't understand that. Why is my solving of my own rape so bad for the victims of this crime?
What good was it to have all the training that the U.S. Justice Department gave me if Jeffrey feels that it wasn't what we needed. I have U.S. Attorneys that I've already talked to about something strange in Palm Springs. I've got friends that work in major crimes sections. I know how to talk with them and they are not at all the kind of people that aren't aware of this kind of situation. My experience counted for nothing even when I made all the right decisions in this investigation. When someone finally looks at the good decisions that were made in this case, they will see that almost all of them were made by me. What I want to understand is how much I am diminished by Jeffrey's actions against me.
What I didn't need was more drama. It was a parent coalition so that adults would make decisions not a man child. I starve for intellectual conversation all the time. What I miss are the friendships that I have with the attorneys that I worked with in the courtroom. I know I can bring the government a strong case against a domestic terrorist. What Jeffrey can bring is a story about how her hurt one advocate to help three people; none of which is his son. The truth isn't kind to Jeffrey because he wanted to do anything but help me.
I am hurt that any of these parents of my friends would think that I was trying to hurt their families. They were already in danger of Lori's family plan, all I did was tell them the truth. Lori has already stolen from them or talked to them. I just wanted someone to do for them what nobody was willing to do for me...like you Bessie. I wanted to be the kind of friend that I am, the kind that warns their friends families about the danger in their son's life. I was kind of hoping that those parents would say something to mine. You know, like friends do.
I'm not used to all this back stabbing and parental fighting. I'm not from those kinds of people. My parent's friends have been friends for a lifetime. They simply don't do that. All Lori wants is to keep on hurting my family members and all Jeffrey keeps doing is keeping that possible. He wouldn't like it if I did this to his family, but mine isn't important. I find that to be uncomfortable and demeaning in a way that I've never seen before. Nobody has ever questioned my family's integrity. Now that he's been helping the other side, that's the way I feel.
I had a plan worked out with defined roles for each person on my team. I have the knowledge and the friends to make that happen. I've made some clear and concise decisions that sacrificed my own safety to bring you this case. I've given up way more than I've taken from anyone. I put others first and that made it easier to work on this case. I just never thought that someone would come along and say, "That's not good enough, I have a different plan." Instead his plan was no plan. He thought that David and Missy could do something inside Lori's home. There really isn't anything they can do that we haven't done already. We've been inside and now have our guy out. It was safer.
Missy's had years and years to get whatever done that she was planning with Jeffrey...it never materialized. There was a reason why we didn't work with some people. We know what they are like when it comes to Lori. I don't think that Missy even likes Lori, but there are extensive long ties between them on this system. Some stuff is too involved for us to be involved with her. David is someone that hurts Benjamin. Bessie is my sister's so called friend, not mine. My guys were ready to do something about this crime...then they were lied to by using me as a weapon. I would never trust their lives to Jeffrey. It's proven to be too dangerous. I've been in complete danger the entire time that he's been here. I can't count how many times our homes have been robbed. I can't count how many times Lori has texted my sister as Bessie Smith. The factors that I look at have to do with what I know Lori has done and where she is now. Jeffrey isn't helping out with any of that.
I don't want to be mad at Jeffrey or his wife. The problem is that their interference has taken away my lifelong project that is my life. I worked really hard at being a good person, but that doesn't seem to matter. I worked really hard at my legal skills but that doesn't seem to matter. What Jeffrey seems to value are the horrible things that Lori has already done. I'm not someone that is new to this, in fact, I've seen so much pain, I can feel it before it gets here.
I don't want any more of my friends to be involved with Jeffrey. He isn't really here to help me, and I could use the help. If he could point to something that shows he helped me, that would be different, but he can't. 13 years here and not one single bit of evidence shows that I was ever anything more than an excuse to use this system at his son's home. I'm being used for my informant status but nothing else. What I say and do is always denounced. I've tried to help him out with suggestions and he never takes my advice. I'm completely ignored in my own investigation. I feel like what I brought to this investigation has been replaced by his money or influence. My friendships are important to me, but he's made it feel like they don't feel that way in return. They don't call, write, text, face time, nothing. I've heard that they don't want to piss Jeffrey off. That's ridiculous.
I'm worthless to this investigation now. I'm like a ball of yarn for Lori to play with and that's about it. I used to go to symposiums and meetings and do all kinds of research, but we already know who is behind this, Jeffrey just doesn't want to stop her because of Missy and David, and Bessie. These three have done nothing to help any of the victims, but they have hurt many victims in the past. They did what they had to survive, sure, but the cost was to our friends. We still have friends out there that have been put through hell...they aren't any better off because of this delay. Everyone knows that I promised to help Christopher and I did my best. Now that he doesn't need my help, I'm trying to do as much as I can for the victims that aren't operators. They are defenseless.
I've seen a bullet just miss my face. I've seen my skull and felt the pain of a gay bashing. I've watched while Lori has destroyed my sister's family and her marriages. I know better than to wait this long. It's dangerous how Lori feels about my friends' families. I hear how she talks about them. I know if she could she would be right there causing them problems again. If I give up they will be in danger. I am stuck in this situation because of one father that doesn't seem to understand that he is giving Lori her fantasy killings. It's not right to put someone in this kind of danger. It's not comfortable and it isn't necessary. Jeffrey makes horrible choices that almost seem intentional. What in the world could I have done?
I was handed this problem to solve and every time I have a solution, he says no. It's just a blanket no without any explanation. That's not good enough for someone like me. If I thought he was making a better point, I'd say so, but I don't have anything that shows anything more than a stubborn father making his son look bad. In the meantime he's put a huge target on my sister's back with this money. It makes her look like a thief. It also makes it look like she doesn't love me. I know better than that. There isn't anyone that deserves less Lori in her life than my sister. She's done a tremendous job raising her kids alone. He didn't have to make this so hard on me either. It was his choice and it was a bad one. It cost me everything. Again.
So I have to suck it up again. Did that so many times I can't even imagine. If he is responsible for making the call in Arizona not to do the right thing, then he's going to have to answer for that. I'm not sure I feel safe with him around. I am sure that his tactics have been less than admirable. Christopher and I did not need to be separated and out of communication. Splitting informants, intentionally, is a crime. I will admit that I was not a fan of being around Christopher with Lori torturing him. That changed when he became someone on the inside. He knows what he's seen with Jeffrey, better than me. What I've seen is dangerous situations that could have been avoided and an attempt to make my sister believe something that isn't true. It could have been a huge problem between my sister and myself. I have to keep that hidden away so that I can still be an uncle to my nieces. So if Jeffrey is wondering why I won't consider his bad choices hurting his family, he made even more bad choices that hurt mine. I did not agree to anything like that.
I wish he hadn't made the choices he made. For him to feign concern for my family and obviously warn everyone to stay away, makes me feel uneasy. He has never met me, tries to keep that from happening, and really isn't doing anything but making my life more difficult. I wouldn't have allowed him to make those kinds of decisions without knowing the impact his actions would have. I'm already a broken person, I didn't need another ten years of Lori LaFond to prove something to anyone. She uses me as some kind of example of how to ruin a life. Lori doesn't want you all to know that my family has defeated her in the past when she has come after us. I may only be one person, but I'm the person she uses and that makes me valuable.
Now it's a cat and mouse game again. Not something I'm not used to. I thought if I identified her she would stop. It should have worked but someone wasn't willing to help without making huge concessions to our own experiences. For example, Bessie Smith has known about my implantation for a long time. She's never said a word. She knows about my brother in law's death. My father's case. My own shooting and gay bashing and never said one word. It was only when Jeffrey got involved that she came forward. Since then she's been in contact with my sister and stole my bank account that she was aware of because of this system. If she had been honest about what she knew to my sister or me, it would be different. She instead was keeping a huge secret from her while asking for all my money, just about the same time I was going to look for a lawyer. Her timing wasn't unplanned. I'm not sure that fits with what my team is doing. Hurting the victims more for justice? Not a good choice.
