Dear Billy and Billy's Brother,
I hope you know that I still think about what happened to you. I'm sure that you aren't all that different from me. You probably lock your bedroom door at night, then get up to check it. Me, I don't eat or drink anything that I don't buy, open right afterward and drink or eat right away. I don't trust anyone that hands me anything to consume.
When I was your age, I was already infected and implanted for about six or seven years. I graduated from college and had already dealt with a drug problem. Lori was already calling my family to tell them horrible things about me and she told everyone I knew that I had HIV. I think I'd already decided to move to San Diego by your age and I was lucky enough to make some really great friends. I didn't know that Lori had implanted me, I just knew that people were following me.
I used to look at my arms and body for any signs of AIDS, because back then it was a killer with no real treatment. I felt like an outcast that had all kinds of people chasing me. My parents and family loved me, but for some reason, I wanted to be far away from them. I don't know why?
I had several relationships and Lori sought to destroy all of them from long distance. She sent her brother to San Diego to follow me then he pulled out a gun and nearly killed me. The only stable thing in my life at that time was my job, but that was taken from me too.
I want you both to know that although there may be some adults that don't seem to care about what this did to you, there are even more that do. I want you to understand that I am one of those people. I hope you don't hate gay people because of what happened. I wouldn't blame you if you did. I just want you to know that most people tell me it gets better, but if it doesn't, I'm still fighting for your rights. I hope you don't abuse people, but statistics say that it is mostly possible with people like you, me, and your brother. I pray that hasn't happened for you.
What happened in Sedona, Arizona happened because someone that had followed me for most of my life, wanted to hurt you, me, and my friends. That makes us connected in a really strange and awful way. I'm sorry that happened. I had people in place to keep you from being hurt, they failed you. I failed you. I want to change that for you guys so that you know what kind of person I am. You should be who you are for the rest of your life, not some zombie that hears Lori's voice in their head criticizing everything you do. Good and bad. I want you to have privacy in your mistakes and personal lives.
What happened in Sedona, Arizona happened because someone that had followed me for most of my life, wanted to hurt you, me, and my friends. That makes us connected in a really strange and awful way. I'm sorry that happened. I had people in place to keep you from being hurt, they failed you. I failed you. I want to change that for you guys so that you know what kind of person I am. You should be who you are for the rest of your life, not some zombie that hears Lori's voice in their head criticizing everything you do. Good and bad. I want you to have privacy in your mistakes and personal lives.
My best advice to someone of your age with the complications that Lori has given you is this. You can still love someone. You can tell them about whatever it is you are dealing with. Times have changed and there is hope for everyone. Love with all your heart. Trust few. Live better than I did. Love harder than I could. Feel feelings the way a person should, not edited through a "what would Lori do if she knew this," filter. Be the man that you want to be; define it your way.
I want you to know that you are both loved for your courage, your brotherhood, and your chance at a better life.
I want you to have the life I never did. I want you to never hear Lori talk to you again. I want you to be happy. Truly happy.
Love and friendship,
Kevin
