There are many things to avoid when you are dealing with Lori LaFond. One of the most important things is loving someone else. She's the death of a relationship and the end of love. There is a reason why she's never had anyone in her life tell her that they love her. She's simply unlovable, much like her friend Missy Pissy.
When I was told that Christopher was living with Jeffrey and Benjamin, I was hopeful but I warned Jeff, "Do not get involved in my relationship with Christopher!" I must have said it a hundred times, which, as usual fell on deaf ears. Nothing gives Lori, Bessie and Missy more satisfaction than getting involved in my love life...which is basically non-existent. Every single time Bessie Smith comes around, my life turns to shit...she's a shit magnet. Missy Pissy, as was expected, told Jeffrey to "keep us apart" because that would get her more meth from Lori.
You know, I guess I was hoping, for some reason, that Christopher would be stronger than what he turned out to be. What I knew about him was his strong will, but that's not what is around any longer. I haven't seen him in ten years and you would have thought that would have been the best avenue for King Midas to have done something for me, but not a chance. Instead, since the King can't seem to get himself out of trouble, he's found a way to tame Christopher. Yawn. Nothing is less impressive to me than that. Let's be really honest here folks, if he loved me, he would have called me or done something right?
There are other ways to stop this crime without the kind of consideration that I've given to all of my friends' families. I've bent over backwards to establish a rapport with them that doesn't exist. There is simply no reason for any parent to let the things slide that I've seen. Letters not from them, death notices...I mean come on, I'm here fighting for my life and the response is chirping crickets in the background. Once again the "girls" have done a number on my life, but after ten years, it doesn't hurt me any longer. I don't want to be with anyone that is this inconsiderate...would you?
There isn't any significant other that would do more for some stranger than they should do for you. You are suppose to be the most important person in their life, yet, somehow, Jeffrey's money has made him so much more than he should be. What Jeffrey is going through with his own family is his own damn fault! He's the back stabber and he's the one that couldn't abide by my agreement with his son. The addition of Christopher to his home so that he would have an informant, just shows you that the eight years before that were shit. I'm not good enough? Bullshit. He made a calculated decision that he knew would hurt me then bolstered it with all kinds of prizes and incentives for Christopher to stay away, when the reality is that once he didn't call me out of jail, it was more than clear what was up. You didn't have to waste all that kissing up Jeff, that alone told me where I stood. I got it.
Rather than try to tell Christopher what he did wrong, I'd rather just move on with the rest of my life. I've spent too much time worrying about him and what I could do for him. I've done what I can. I deserve to be treated like a human being, at least. There isn't anything about this that is humane. He must see that I don't get calls, I don't know anyone, I don't talk to anyone, but he's got all of that around him. Even his family knows about this technology and they aren't even willing to help. What King Midas has done is obstruct justice and he won't apologize. He's not grateful. His wife isn't grateful. Bryan Anderson is not grateful...reasonable people are grateful for this kind of help.
I've wasted ten years of my life trying to help someone that clearly is better than I am. I need to find myself again. There is no privilege in knowing what someone else thinks...it just makes you look like someone that can't do it in person. There isn't anything about being an "operator" of this system that intrigues me...it's just a bunch of nonsense. I want to hike and fish and work out, not listen to Jeffrey, "Whoa is me, why did Missy do this to me?" I'm not that kind of person. I want to meet someone that I can relate to, not someone that thinks they are better than me because someone told them a secret. I'm the person that told people to befriend him and now I'm the one without any friends and he's okay with that? Something is terribly wrong here people and I need to fix it.
The thing that was unique about Christopher and my relationship is that we were on equal footing, that's changed. When I met him, we needed to help each other and we did, then he became better than me with one conversation. I can't believe that these operators are so convincing that they could talk him out of being my friend, but this isn't friendly. He's outgrown me. He's too big. Too important to Jeffrey. There can be no greater insult to me and my work than that.
I knew that involving Christopher on the other side of this crime would be a problem especially with Missy and David there. What I've found is that it isn't so much the two of them, it's how much everyone else appreciates the things that Christopher does for them spiritually, physically, emotionally, but you know who needed that more than anyone in Jeff's home? Me. For him not to recognize that, is at the point of decision making that tells me there is a bigger problem than just being selfish...it's sad that I've wasted so much of my time. There are lots of people that need help with this crime, but I picked the wrong person to assist me. I needed a hero and got a victim of this crime. Unexpected is an understatement.
There are lots of great qualities about Christopher and he is a sweet person. His dream to come to California from New York made me think of him as brave and sure of himself. He still is. He's very smart and handsome and all that too. I'm just not feeling anything that feels like love and yes, I do know what that is like. What I am feeling is Jeffrey thumbing his nose at me again saying, "See what I can do?" I'm unimpressed with him as usual. Here we are one month from Summer again...and I swear to God, he told everyone, "Not another summer five or six fucking summers ago." This isn't my project any longer. Somehow it became "Save the operators" and that's not what I'm about.
There are people that were forced into becoming operators for their own safety and for the safety of their families, but so many of them have tossed my family on the fire to save their own. Fuck you Lori, I'm not "fine with that". What I am fine with is knowing that I'm still a person that deserves more for my efforts. Christopher has chosen his own path without me, that's fine as long as that makes him happy. I'm good, I just wish I hadn't wasted another ten years on another guy that pussied out when I needed them to tell the truth. As of yet, there is still not one single man that has been guy enough to be honest.
I wasted ten fucking years and five years before that on Steven Frey. You can't imagine how little I look forward to hearing from either of them in the future.
