Ah the game of keeping score. Lori is one of those, though when it comes to keeping track of her "girls" she's a bit different for herself. For example both Missy and Leah can't go to the supermarket without 50 phone calls and texts asking about when they are going to be back and can they do something for her. It's about control. I doubt that Leah and Missy are even allowed to leave. I know that I've seen Christian out of that home, but only once.
In the world of relationships, I've learned that one of the worst things that a person can do, is keep score. I only know this from a guy's perspective, my own. What I have learned, over the years, is that someone that "keeps score" is trying to control you and thinks that this is a way to see how someone really feels about you. Dumb. How a person feels about you isn't directly related to how many times you take out the garbage, ask for a kiss or buy a gift. Guys are guys. Some are sensitive and do thoughtful things and others are the opposite. It isn't always a great indicator of how they feel. I've been told that women are more apt to think about these kinds of actions in a different way. I like to err on the side of caution here and I'm thoughtful.
I think it is far more important that whomever I am in a relationship with supports what I want to do, for me. That doesn't mean that it's all about me, though, I do the same back for him. A relationship is a team. Compromise is required. I was always looking for someone that I could be proud of, not just someone that was proud of me. I'm a confident guy, so when I do something it's usually something that makes my partner proud of me as a matter of course. I'm more impressed by someone that is working on something that he loves that I support. Guys are like that. It's something that women should take into consideration. For example, let's say I'm really into home improvement and prefer tiling myself instead of hiring someone. Let's say he is into cars or building an off road car, not home improvement. That's cool with me. I'd help wherever I could, show interest and even go off roading with him. For me, I've done that stuff all my life, but I can be excited for him. It's his thing. If you are interested show interest. Guys love to show you what they've been working on.
It isn't about how many times he came into look at the tile work I'm doing. It's about knowing that he'll appreciate it already and showing him the same courtesy. These are the things that make people compatible. Staying in touch and being involved even when it might not be the same thing for you. You do things to lift people up if they need it. The right person will see what you do, express interest and let you know it the way you like. That takes care of itself. The effort in relationships is to identify what it is that is important to the other person and support, knowing that they already support you in what you do. It's work. Sometimes it isn't for you. Sometimes you have to be the bigger person and give in and sometimes not. Knowing where the issue is prioritized for the other person is key. If it's no big deal to you but a big deal to him, you go with his thing. Same in reverse. It's how the good relationships work.
If you are lucky enough to find someone that shares a passion for something that you do like, bonus. Not every relationship that is successful has two people, exactly alike in interests and tastes. You work that shit out. It's important because the feeling you have of love requires it. I work at relationships when they are worth it. You just know the difference.
Lori spends the majority of her time trying to find any way to start a fight and force you to do what she wants you to do. There is no position further from the way I motivate myself to do anything. Nobody needs to tell me what I am going to do for them that I don't want to do for them. I'm not someone that likes to cater to someone I don't like, though I've done that before, it wasn't a good result. It's a part of who I am and I don't put it on someone else that way either.
Constantly trying to poke holes in everything between two people, Lori has never met a couple that she didn't try to break apart. Seriously. There isn't a relationship in her life that she hasn't tried to ruin then asks the question, "Why don't they love me?" There is a good chance she tried this with her sisters, brothers and mom/dad. I wonder what she must have been like at her own home if, at 12 years old, she was framing my dad for molesting a student? What kind of child wouldn't have focused on her own family's relationships first then branched out into the community around her. In our case, we lived across the street from her aunt for many yeas. Once Lori got in enough trouble with her immediate family she branched out to her aunt's neighbors.
Lori spreads through a community like a virus. It's predatory the way she goes after a person's life then expects the victim, in ruins, to fall in love with her. There is no chance in hell that she "ruined a relationship with my boyfriend so now I'm in love with her for doing it" ever happens. For me, I have the whole dead brother in law thing that I'd have to get over and a whole lot more. There isn't a feeling of fondness when I see her, so I avoid having to. If I never had to see her again, I would be thrilled. Unfortunately she knows where I am every second of the day so she is an ambush planner. Terrific, huh? Not so much. Since Lori likes to "pop in", make a scene, then run home to see what I thought about it, it makes for some very uncomfortable feelings.
Jonathan taught me not to do anything like think about her in my usual, "Oh, she's just a mental patient, she needs help and love" sort of way. Lori always misreads those thoughts to be some kind of "sexual connotation". What I'm really thinking is that she's such a mess, I hate being around her. In fact, the only times I've had to see her is when I had to attend funeral services for two of my friends' fathers. These were life long friends whose dearly departed were like extra dads to me. You know all the cake and ice cream parties and stuff? Lori was never there. I don't think a single friend of mine would have ever known her. She wasn't really part of our close friendships, though as the years have gone on, she's sought to make it appear that way. In the end, they'll all take my side of this because that's where they are with me. I won't have to ask them to do that by the way, I'm just their friend, she isn't.
Lori likes to yearbook stalk my friends by looking at signatures and finding out who I was friends with after she stole all four years of books. She use to only have one that her brother stole when I lived in San Diego. The other three were stolen when I moved here. This is one of the reasons that I feel like I live in some kind of high school slasher movie. To know what I know and not warn people is crazy. I've done my best.
