You know it would be wrong of me to say that I know everything. I certainly do not. I can tell you that I know what my experiences are and I know that what I have gone through with this crime has been very distorted and difficult. I know that it is like a song lyric, "the more that I wriggled, the deeper I sank", like quicksand, when I did everything for myself. The more that I focused on things for only myself, the harder it became to get things accomplished for this crime. That I know was harder than working for the whole. I would focus on my rape and it became an exercise in futility with the police department and they would arrest me over and over again. The more that I focused on the problems that my friends experienced and what they were going through, the more I could see that they, too, were being treated illegally as well and a clearer picture of unjust behavior was given.
I know that I've said it before, it was easier to fight this crime for Christopher than it was for myself because I didn't have to focus on me. When I found out that he'd been lured to San Diego, with David Beach, to some place in La Jolla, just before we'd met in person, had been knocked out, raped, beaten and robbed, I knew that he was in the same place that I was just a few months earlier. I knew that he was standing in Steven Frey's front yard because these "voices" were telling him to be there, just like I was. I knew that if he was there and I was there, that we had something in common. I knew he didn't like it and I knew he wasn't going to put up with it. The early stages of the anger of being controlled aren't hard to see. There is an amount of fight in a victim with self esteem that you see in some of these victims that you don't see in others. Christopher is a confident athlete, you don't really tell him what to do.
When you meet some of these victims, some of them are readily compliant. They aren't the ones that you want to work with. Christopher is the opposite. He's not the kind that likes to be told what to do. A confident, boxer, trained Brooklyn kind of guy, doesn't like some girl drug dealer telling him what to do. Laurie has a crazy kind of nonsense way of telling people what she wants done, he isn't that kind of person. I knew better from the beginning that he wasn't going to listen to her. He would get frustrated with her in seconds. Brian, her brother, wouldn't be any better at controlling him than she would. Neither of them would have any luck with this guy, so he was a great choice for a boyfriend. Then you could see how handsome he was too...the choice was simple. Christopher would make a great informant.
Oh yeah...and a great boyfriend too...lol.
This is a post about taking advice however.
I have always said and will always say, "You don't know what other people's motivations are. Especially when it comes to this very project. This is a very important project because regardless of the social implications and the lives that are involved (which, by the way is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR ME) there is a great deal of money to be made." Advice like, "If I were you" and "What you should do is..." is bullshit. There are forces at work here that want money...and that is all they think of.
The victims of this crime know one very important thing, money is not the most important thing. Freedom is. We want to be free from this torture. Do we not? I want to be free to think without anyone knowing what I am thinking ever again. Without that, money isn't going to ever mean anything. Someone will always be trying to take it, steal it, rob it or do something with it. I don't care about what people say, there is always someone out there that will pretend that it doesn't matter, but it will to them.
One thing I knew from the very beginning about this parent coalition was this. If I contacted the parents of my friends that someone was going to try to exploit them. I knew if I sent them letters that someone would contact them and ask them for money. That would never work for me. My friends mean everything to me. I knew that Laurie and Brian and whomever else knew that I wanted to tell them the truth would say that they were affiliated with me and would try to associate themselves with me and ask for money. Parents of victims of this crime need to know one thing. Nobody that is looking to help you and your kid should ever ask for money. I wouldn't and neither should anyone else. This crime doesn't need you parents to be exploited. It needs your understanding, not your money. I would never ask you to send me money because I want you to love your kid and I want you to believe them. My parents don't believe me, what I wanted was for you to believe your kid, so that you could help my parents to believe me. That is how a coalition of parents working together works.
You see it is one parent helping another to show a commonality of experience against a police department that has ruined our reputations. A commonality of parents that have boys that have been infected and implanted and extorted by a girl that ran around telling you that we were hopeless drug addicts. I wanted you to tell my parents what she did to you. I didn't need your money, I needed your truth. I needed Christopher's mom's story. I needed Jonathan's mom's story. I needed Anthony's mom's story. I needed Benjamin's mom's story. I needed Martin's mom's story. I needed these stories so that we could all go together to the U.S. Attorney and share our experiences about our civil rights being destroyed together. You see our commonality of experiences make us a candidate for a huge law suit against this police department and the City of Palm Springs. We have the right to not be experimented upon in this manner. What we do for our community is important.
When I tried to solve my own rape, I did it for myself. The intense effort to keep that from happening focused on putting me in jail and keeping me there. Six or seven arrests without convictions made it so oppressive that I had to become an informant just to stop it from happening. Then the informant misconduct began but it gave both Christopher and I legal standing to go beyond the police to represent the People of the State of California beyond the PSPD. No matter what the PSPD said, if the PSPD was found to be involved our obligation to the State of California still existed. They couldn't stop us. We have the paper that shows we are official. They can't say we aren't officially signed up as informants for the police. Once we had Jonathan's information about implanted police we couldn't lose. The list of implanted officers and the transcripts of conversations between Laurie and these officers gives us the fire power we needed to go federal investigation. We can't be stopped.
Informants for the feds is a simple thing.
I have better connections on the federal level than I do in the Coachella Valley. That is where I came from. So this part of the investigation is a lock. What is not a lock is what is going on in the meantime. All the little pieces of advice that are being given to family members on the side. "What you should do is"..."If I were you..." all bullshit. I am the guy that knows what I am doing.
There is no reason, at all to take any advice from anyone but me at this point. We need to be together because I know what to do at this point. My friends that work as lawyers for the federal government will do this right. There is no reason that we can't get this done the right way. I can easily have my team in front of the right lawyers with the right prosecutors from the government without any kinds of problems. I know it isn't hard. These are my friends. They are the right kinds of people they aren't scary, they aren't going to hurt us. They aren't what most of you think. They are good people. I worked with them for many many years. I know most of you know my reputation as a court clerk. I know that you trust me and I know how this works.
Most of you don't know how I managed to keep myself out of prison, but it is simply because I know the court system. I told all of you that I would do this a long time ago to Laurie and her brother and it is proceeding the way I told you it would. There is no reason to panic. This is what I said would happen. This is the plan that I told you about. It doesn't need to be all freaked out. It needs to be done clearly and concisely the way I say it needs to be done. If you want to be free from Laurie and Brian you need to do this the way I suggest. It's not going to be difficult. It's really simple.
I told her to stop. It's time that the gays are treated fairly in Palm Springs. We need to stop being spied upon and arrested unfairly and stop being intentionally infected with AIDS. We are people and we are important to this community. We need to be lifted back to prominence in this community and have federal funds to help rebuild our brothers and sisters made available for the families that have been hurt. This is a long process and I am here to start this healing. This is a long plan but it needs to start.
