Morally Conscious


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Today's theme:
Boy did I make Lori mad today...all I had to do was talk about how much I love Christopher to someone from my work! It was like a shockwave delivered to the heart of my stalker. Lori must have some kind of weird thoughts going through her pin head tonight because she is twirling around like Linda Blair's head on a possession victim. What kind of lesbian is in love with a gay man to the point where she freaks out when he talks about his own boyfriend? Lori has some issues with reality and not knowing what it is. I know that Christopher must just cringe when she starts hearing that I don't have any kind of feelings for this high school loser! She's using yearbooks from Junior High School and high school to make up fantasies about some life she never had. I'm considering locking myself in my home again and not coming out. Total Single White Lesbian Female material. Calm down Lori, you've been dumped before...
Visit "Save Our Sons" for more information about this crime. This is a non violent informational blog about the crime of electronic harassment in Palm Springs, California. The blog, in no way, intends to promote a crime against anyone. It's intent now, as always, is to become the property of DreamWorks Entertainment as a motion picture project for them. Do not commit any crimes because of this blog.
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Sunday, March 26, 2017

Still Acting Like Little Girls: Adults Behaving Like Children


I think that one thing that most people don't understand about the situation that I am in right now is how much other people telling me what to do caused this to happen.  Sometimes the advice was great.  Get sober.  Act like an adult. Be responsible.  Those were all good pieces of advice.

Then there were the bad pieces of advice.  When I was on disability and was making good money, my mom told me to "work more hours" and that fucked me up.  It put me over the allowed amount of hours to work and dinged me at Social Security.  I didn't need the money and I didn't need to work more, but she thought I did.  Then came the bank account fiasco.  I should have just put it in my own savings account, but instead I let her be in charge of it.  She opened up a savings account for me and I let her be in charge of it.  I gave her the money to deposit and somewhere along the line someone stole it and now she says it never existed.  Another mistake.

Then came other pieces of advice.   Talking to Bryan Anderson about my rape.  Going to the police about the porn movies and sending my friends.  I followed more bad advice when I should have just gone to my friends at the federal government from the very beginning.  I should have stuck to what I knew from the very beginning.  Now I have a mom that says I need to be working again.  My question is why?  Why start working again to build another bank account that she will inevitably get her fingers in that will go missing?   I'm dismayed at the fact that she knows it was there and it was significant and now she acts like $30,000 missing isn't something I should be upset about.  It's gone and I worked for it and nobody seems to care.  It's like, "Oh well..."

That's upsetting to me.  Why would anyone think that my first reaction should be, "find another job" instead of "find the missing money"?

When this money was earned it was earned with the understanding that it was being put away for my half of the relationship that Christopher and I were in.   What I bring into our relationship is my half of what I bring in.  What he brings in is his half.  What we earn together is ours.  I knew that this is what you do in relationships.  I wanted to have a substantial amount of money to put together to have a home to buy with Christopher so that we could share in a home.  Just like the Nichols' Family, now this money is gone.  It is missing in action and nobody seems to think it is a priority to get it back.  That's not the way I see it.  It is a very substantial amount of money.  This is something that both Christopher's lawyer and my lawyer should be screaming about right at this very moment.  I have bills that are very important to my life.  Christopher and I are partners in every sense of the word.

I have medical bills that are important to staying alive.  I need to know, for certain, what happened to this money.  I am concerned, very much, that my mother is saying that there never was such an account when I god damn know that there was one.  I am very concerned that my sister says the same thing.  Now I know that there was one.  Why is this lie being perpetuated?  What is going on Bryan Anderson?  I am also concerned that there is money available to me that others have donated to keep this situation from happening that isn't being made available to me.  I have worked extremely hard at this job for the police and for the people of this state.  Why can't someone understand that this job has cost me a lot of money and time.  Isn't there anyone out there that can help me out, at all?

Certainly someone could be helping me out with the Social Security Disability people when they see the severity of the injuries suffered with the MRI results that were bungled at the hospital.  We know that Mrs. Guzman at the Yucca Valley office of Social Security has drug her feet on making her determination but someone from the federal government could easily have called her and helped her to understand that I am in dire need of this being reestablished right away.  I am in extreme pain and these people know that I am horribly disabled.  This whole "wait and see" policy is not something that someone that has been shot at, beaten and nearly killed should have to endure while working on an anti terrorism case of this magnitude for so many deserving people.  Bryan Anderson's lack of attention to my needs has been negligent and insufferable to say the least.  He should have his badge removed for his lack of participation in this crime.  I haven't been protected by him one tiny bit.  I've been in constant danger because of him, not protected.  His relationship with this technology has cost me more than anything.  I am disabled and being told constantly that my rape means nothing.  It's as if nothing has ever happened to me in a body that barely works.

I am upset with Christopher for his minimal participation in his efforts to get this money returned to us as well.  He could have and should have done more to get this back to me and my family.  I think he has probably done less than he should have.  What I am concerned about is that he doesn't realize what this has done to our relationship when he hasn't considered what I have done to help his family understand what he has been put through.  My mother and father should, at the very minimum, understand what his family does.  What he is doing is unconscionable.  Why, after forty years of torture, should his family know more about this crime, than mine does?  It is simply because I did more to tell them than he did.  I made the effort, Christopher, you did not.  What he needs to understand is that his lack of participation in this regard is taking a huge toll on me.  I need to know that if he can't make this kind of effort for me, then why would he want to be in this relationship at all.  Who would he make this kind of effort for?  You see, there isn't a question in my mind that I would let anyone do this to his mother or him.  That's why this project is what it is.  I simply would not allow Laurie to do this to them, clearly there is no quid pro quo.

You have to fight through what other people think Christopher.  Whatever someone else's plan is, you have to do more.  You have to say, "I don't care what you think Jeff, I won't allow you to keep this money from Kevin.  You can't take this from him or keep it.  He needs it to survive.  You do not do this or I will tell his mom and dad that you have it and I will tell them that it is going to be his now."

I knew that by putting this money away and thinking through this system that it was for Christopher and me that Laurie would want to steal it.  Anything that would be for our future would be "earmarked" for theft by Laurie and her brother.  This would be the third or fourth time that Laurie has taken a large sum of money from my bank account.  When I thought about saving this money for our future there was no doubt that it would be attempted to be stolen by her.  I should never have let my mother or sister have anything to do with it.  There was only one person that could have ever gotten involved that knows my family.  Bessie Smith is that person.  She knows my sister and she knows Laurie.  Being Missy Pissy's friend, I'm certain that the plan was devised through the pair.

I swore, the day I met Christopher, that the days of ending my relationships with someone I loved were over.  I did that the second I met Christopher and that has been the number one priority of Missy and Laurie ever since.  They've jailed us, they've hurt us, they've taken our money, they've split us apart, they convinced Jeffrey to keep us from talking, they convinced Jeffrey it was a good idea to keep us from having our families talk...they basically committed informant misconduct, but one thing they don't know is Christopher and Kevin.  We are not the kind of guys that allow people in very easily.  We are both stubborn.  I am the law guy.  He's the priest.  I am faithful to the law. He is faithful to God.  We are both interchangeable in this regard.  I have strong faith, he is strong with law.  You can't really get to us that easily.  I told Jeffrey to keep out of our relationship but he didn't.  It wasn't a smart move for him to play with us, but Jeffrey does tend to do what I ask him not to.

Laurie is very jealous of Christopher.  He is the person I will eventually marry and that makes Laurie upset.  I guess she thinks I would marry her.  Yuck.  Yes, Laurie I will marry him because he embodies what I love about a human being.  Jonathan told me that he is the person for me and that I would marry him and Christopher also told him he would marry me a long time ago.  It's been almost nine years.  I know it and so does Christopher.  Laurie is jealous beyond tears.  Remember folks, she took a wedding dress to Sedona, Arizona when she followed me there...why?  Who knows, I was told she thought she was going to film one of her weird porn movies with me in it there...knocked out...sick.  That makes me feel very strange.  There are taped conversations about Laurie and "old fashioned" weddings with me from a long time ago too.  It gives me the willys to this day.  I would never ever think like that...she's got problems.  I think her sister is missing a wedding dress.  I believe her friend Margie can identify a wedding dress on the way to Sedona as well if she is questioned about it.

The money I saved in that savings account was for an engagement ring for Christopher. I planned on asking him to marry me once I moved and when we were working in San Diego with the feds.  Laurie knew that this was how I was.  I have been looking for a long time at rings and he knows how I feel about it so, surprise Christopher, that's what some of that was for.  Now that it has gone missing, I'm suppose to get another dead end minimum wage job at 49 years old and start all over again?  That's not what I agreed to do with Marilyn Katzenberg when I got here, is it Marilyn?  I did the work and saved the money so what's with all the lying.  If this money was simply stolen, then why isn't my mom upset about it?  Why isn't she looking for it?  Why isn't she saying it was stolen?  Why isn't Bryan Anderson asking her about it? Why is he not involved like he should be?  What is his problem anyway?  This smells like the Nichols' Family all over again to me.

Perhaps Bryan Anderson is retired from the PSPD.  In that case he can consider the fact that he is going to be sued.  I will definitely be working with my attorney on a lawsuit that will directly put him in the financial crosshairs of the negligent treatment of his informants knowing that we can prove that there were conversations directly involving him and Laurie with regards to Christopher and myself.  The negligence of this officer that put both Christopher and me in danger with the information that he gave willingly and unwillingly to Laurie because of the illegal use of this system without informing me or Christopher or our families has caused irreparable harm to both of us.  If he left the job without any regard for our welfare knowing that Laurie and Brian were still committing this crime, he will be found responsible for what she has done since.  I have absolutely no problem going after him and his department for the illegal use of this system.  What I have been put through since the day he asked me to become an informant has been so horrible.  Wreckless endangerment is what I've been told is the route best taken in our case.  There is a long history with Laurie and informants.  When you see the "workplace violence" restraining order and you see the kinds of admissions that she makes, not to mention the order itself while I am working as an informant, you can see that this officer does nothing to protect me or my family against her attacks.

This situation is a direct result of his negligent behavior.  I live in constant fear and danger.  My family turned to him for help in many situations, Laurie's ear to his thinking was used against us, including my sister's husband and my own situation resulting in the loss of life in one situation and my own attempted murder at the hands of Laurie and her brother.  I am not thrilled with his lack of participation in the solution.  I thought he would make a bigger effort to solve this problem, he hasn't.  He knew that when my sister came to him for help with my brother in law that the advice to her friend was that he should arm himself to protect himself, that information was then used by Laurie to create a dangerous situation for my brother in law, which ended in a death.  That is the truth.  What I've learned is that Bryan told Laurie's uncle to arm himself to protect himself, when Laurie learned of this, she started to text my brother in law to irritate him into a confrontation that ended in a death.  This kind of inside information led to the death of my brother in law.  This system ultimately caused his death.  Allegedly.

You see what the problem is here folks is a lack of communication that Laurie is a snoop.  Constantly looking to create a confrontation.  She wants a big fucking Earth shattering confrontation.  She does this every single day with me and my parents lately.  She tries, on a daily basis, to cause a fight.  She's done this with me since high school and I'm use to it.  The DHS 8, have many instances where they know that she's requested that men have been approached to cause a fight with me...most of the time it hasn't happened.  These kinds of things turn her on, big time.  This kind of information needs to go to a prosecutor, it doesn't need to sit in the hands of Jeffrey.  It needs to go to my attorney.  Pronto.  You see when a stalker is looking to cause a violent act against an informant, it has to be known right away.  This is very important, Bryan Anderson.  These police officer are doing nobody any favors by sitting around listening to her lies.  Keeping quiet about her talking to them hasn't helped anybody in the community.  It's a silent crime until we show what she sounds like and what she says.

People are constantly asking me what Laurie and Brian sound like when they are talking on this system.  It depends.  Mostly they are hateful.  Children comes to mind.  Adult children.  Laurie acts about like she is fifteen years old and she's a snotty little brat.  She has multiple personalities and she will almost always say the most hateful thing that you can think of.  "N" word, "F" word for gays, salacious things, gross sex talk, and basically anything that will offend you or anyone that is listening.  Her brother likes to talk tough and act stupid.  They sound like tweekers.    They talk in circles.  They will hit upon a subject that you don't want to talk about and will stay on it for hours and hours and days and days.  If you have something that bothers you, it will stay on their minds for weeks.  Laurie never forgets a boyfriend.  You could have broken up years ago and she will still talk about him.  Sex...always.  She will talk about sex for ever and ever.  She acts like she knows everything about everything.  When it is convenient she will make everything seem like she caused it to happen.  If she can cause a problem she will.  She literally keeps a list of things she wants to use to "piss you off". She wants you to react to her.  Starting a fight is number one.  Every word out of her mouth is to cause a manipulation of someone or something.  She wants you to worry.  Negativity is always a priority.  She is never happy and she is always high on meth.  As you can see, there isn't anything good in her world.

Laurie never back off and neither does her brother.  It is always attack, attack, attack. She is very aggressive and so is her brother.  Lying is another thing.  They both lie constantly.  Neither can keep their stories straight without the help of other people.  To catch them in a lie is easy and both of them lie constantly.  To believe their lies is to your own detriment.  Nobody should ever listen to anything they say, including myself.  One thing that you should always remember is this.  They are not here to help you, they are here to hurt you.  Always remember, Laurie wants to hurt you.  She has no reason to befriend you.  She wants to make your life as bad or worse than hers is.  I know, I've been her worst enemy for no reason her whole life.  If she thinks she is fooling me now, she is wrong.

I've always wanted the general public to hear what Laurie and Brian are really like. The way they talk to us is a shame.  Laurie is almost 50 years old and her brother is 55 years old.  Nothing is worse than two 50 plus year old tweekers acting like little children screaming and yelling talking about sex all night long and pretending like they are little perverts.  The kinds of things that they talk about they have no business talking about.  Telling people to "go out and get jobs" when neither has ever had a job to their name.  Both of them are responsible for taking these jobs away from people when they have them.  As soon as you get a job they start in calling the managers and try to get you fired.  It's a hamster wheel of work.  I tried to show people how to get and keep a job for a long time which is why I am so darn mad about this money going missing.  I saved it to show people how to work around this problem.

This was bait money.  I know that when I put this money into a bank account the first thing that Laurie was going to do was try to steal it.  Thinking that it was for Christopher and me might as well have been putting up a big bright neon sign that said, "Hey Laurie, look at all this money you can try to steal!"  I knew that Missy Pissy would try to steal it.  I knew that she was living with Jeffrey and Marilyn.  What I didn't know was how she was going to do it.  The account was set up by my mom.  I did that on purpose.  I told my mom that I didn't want to know anything about it.  I didn't want the account number and the second paycheck of every month I would go to the bank, cash it, and would hand the money to my mom and tell her to bank it.  Then I would tell myself, "That's for Christopher and me!" Just as a way to flag it for Laurie to get mad.  I knew it would get Missy Pissy's attention.

I did this for years.  I think the weird thing about it are the conversations that I had with my mom about this that she thinks that I've forgotten about.  We did talk about this account.  She must think we didn't.  Not often, but we did.  I can remember handing her the cash and saying, this is for the bank.  Members of my family would borrow from it occasionally and my mom would have them ask if they could.  I always said sure.  If they needed to pay me back, they paid my mom.  I purposefully did not ever want to know how much was in the account because of Laurie and Laurie knew it.  She didn't know either so she had to ask.  She couldn't ask my mom, so she needed to have someone ask my sister.  The only person she knew to do that would have to be Bessie Smith.  That's the only person I can think of that would be involved in this scam.

Nobody else would know her or how to get at this account.   But how could they do this.  Well, knowing that my mom and me were on this account, there was one way.  Since my mom is getting older, having her name on my account means that if her memory was going bad, she could forget about it.  So someone came up with the idea of "memory loss" and putting my sister's name on the account.  I can only imagine that somehow Bessie Smith talked about Laurie inquiring about the money and "memory loss" became a topic of conversation between my sister and Bessie.  That's when my bank account amount must have come up.  Then they found out how much there was in it.  SCORE!!!  Then it must have come up that I wasn't working...you know, sitting around so much couldn't be good for a sober person that use to use drugs.  Like that is any of their business.

With the "memory loss" thing happening with my mom, my sister then got her name on my account without my permission.  I wasn't asked.  My mom got tested and MRI'd. Then the money was gone.  Nobody told me anything.  I went to the bank and there was no account at all.  I checked.  I'd made deposits there myself once or twice, but now there was nothing.  The bank manager, whom I'd only met once or twice knew me by name.  So this money that I knew I'd saved and had seen statements for at my mom's house in our office was gone.  

Someone took the bait account.  There was only so many ways this could have been taken.  My mom was super defensive about having "not stealing it" and said there was never an account there and my sister, like I said, did the same.  I knew otherwise so I know it has to do with them.  Someone told them this was something to say...so I know Laurie didn't steal it.  My concern is, what's the point?  Force me to work?  Teach me a lesson?  Why?  I obviously can save money, but what good is that if I can't use it when I need it?  If it puts me in debt when I need it the most what good is saving it?  I need it right now and it's making me worse off now than ever.  I wish I'd never saved it and never let my mom ever put it there.  I should have just put it in my own savings account across the street.  I could have just done it on my own.  Granted it probably wouldn't have been as much but it also would still be mine.  Now it looks like there is nothing at all and I don't have anything.  What's worse, Laurie stealing it and having nothing or having nothing and not being able to use it anyway.  Feels the same both ways.  It's exactly the same when you are me.  There is no difference.

I can't pay my bills.  I can't use it.  Everyone is just as disappointed in me.  Everyone still blames me.  Nobody thinks any better of me.  I'm just as big a loser either way.  I might as well have been on drugs.  What nobody seems to understand is that whether Laurie steals it or mom and my sister take it and hide it, I'm still the loser.  I look just as bad no matter who took it.  I earned this money.  I didn't do anything wrong.  Why is someone punishing me for it?  I should be looking like a good guy, so why do I feel like  bad guy?  I don't get the point of any of this?  I feel like all of this AA crap is a lie.  The harder I worked the less honest people got with me.

I got better and everyone else got sick.

For those of you that do this 12 step stuff like I do, you know that this program is one of honesty and attraction.  I've pretty much adhered to all of that.  There are promises that are suppose to come true and in May I will be sober for nine full years.  Not one of these promises is coming true.  I have worked really hard to maintain this life of sobriety but all I keep getting is more sickness from the people around me trying to make me feel like I'm not better.  I know that I'm not worse.  I know that I'm not the person I was, but when is this suppose to turn around.  I put my heart and soul into believing that when I made the corrections that it would be better for me and my family, but that hasn't appeared.  It's been an exercise in futility because those who should didn't.  I don't make excuses about what I've done.  I know that I can be working at this situation or rebuilding my own finances but that's really not making this project work.  I've done that many times.  What I need to do is show what happened so that other people don't rebuild and get ripped off.  This isn't just about putting your life back together it's about protecting it too.  It's about saying, now that you have saved this money, how can you keep it.  What does this say about my ability to keep these victims' money safe if I can't even keep my mom and sister from telling me it didn't exist?  This is a real problem now.  I love them dearly, but someone got to them.  That's not what I was shooting for here.   I want honesty in all of my affairs, not just the affairs that Jeff thinks that there should be honesty in.

This is important to me.

Squeaking by is what victims of this crime know all too well about.  Jonathan, Anthony and I lived off of a grapefruit tree until Laurie had all the grapefruits removed.  Literally when we ate from the tree that provided us food, she had the fruit removed so we had no more fruit.  This is how much she starves the victims.  When we had a roasted chicken in the fridge to eat, the next day she stole the carcass so we could pick off the bones.  When we made a pot of chili, we got one bowl and the next day the entire pot of chili was gone...a whole pot of chili was gone!!!  Literally you could not keep food in your home.

She was like a rat going through your home at night stealing whatever she could take.  I'm surprised that Anthony ever ate.  We had to go to soup kitchens to eat.  If I went down to Palm Springs I would take $40.  $20 to get him food and $20 for myself for the weekend.  Laurie hated that.  It was literally a mission of peace and this was how I tried to keep him eating.  She is a cockroach.  Her brother, allegedly, from what I've been told use to come over to my sister's home here and steal food from this house too.  While my nieces and sister lived here, they would steal food from this house and my sister would have a house full of food missing.  He would steal their panties and clothing and jewelry too.  It's like they used our family to shop while they were at school.  I can't explain how much this bothers me.

These are 40 and 50 year old burglars...tweekers with walkers.

They act like this is something that "everyone does" but they don't.  People do not behave this way.  I am certain that the neighbors that live near them now must feel the same way.  There is no way that the people that live near them now aren't missing clothing from their laundry rooms.  They must be missing stuff from their cars too.  Stealing is their way of life.  Laurie and Brian have been doing this for so long that this is normal for the pair and everyone knows it.  Siphoning gas from their neighbors cars must be going on too.  License plates are probably missing too.  Laurie and Brian are notorious for stealing car license plates and putting them on their cars with updated registration stickers.  Police should check at LaPalme and see how many cars license plates went missing while Laurie and Brian lived there?  I'm sure there were a lot of those.

You have to look at the patterns of what it takes to be a thief with no job.  In order to steal, they have to get to the places they need to go and sell drugs or steal from other people.  That means they can't get pulled over.  They have to have gas and they have to have a good registration.  Mostly Brian will use a fake id if he gets pulled over because he will be high as a kite.  Laurie will be too.  You need to check the car for drugs.  Look all over for hiding places too.  Run a dog.  More than likely he's going to need to get checked against the Christopher Mead fingerprints too.  Drug test him too.  Check the car's registration.  Check the fanny pack.  Check the cigarette pack.  Check his track marks.

The problem we still are having is that the pair are running around this area right next to a sheriff's station without any kind of investigation.  How the Hell are they not on the law enforcement map Bryan?  I am a police informant without any ties to this electronic surveillance.  I am telling you to keep an eye on them.  That should be good enough.  My information is good enough. 

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