For as long as I can recall, I've heard people make excuses for Lori LaFond. I've heard her compared to so many different things and people, but one thing she is not, is a NATURAL disaster, though she strikes like one.
You see an earthquake or hurricane is natural and there is nothing natural, unique, or original about Lori, she's a product of drugs and mental illness. What nature created was a flawed human being, like most of us are. The flaws in all of us make us unique but that's as close as Lori's ever been to being human. She has the body parts of a human being, but she has the mind of evil. Pure evil. There isn't any rhyme to her reasoning...it's all disjointed and based on other people's flaws. The drugs increase the volume of her hatefulness and a microphone lets certain people hear her. She plans where she is going to strike and what people around you will fall. Her successes would never be measured that way by any other person's mental or moral scales. Pain, death, fear, hurt, tears, hate...all the highest rated successes on Lori's scale. I don't know many people that would spend time hearing her that would come away inspired or better for the experience.
Yesterday, I heard her saying things that others could never say. I've heard this dialogue now for the better part of 16 years without rest. The toll it takes on me isn't for her to know. I know there is a place inside of me that has a lock on it where this type of hate has to be stored, if only because I've had to listen without being able to walk away or hang up the phone. I often wonder what kind of person can lock away feelings the way I do. I have to. If Lori knew how I really felt, she would try so hard to make that pain a reality, again. I'm not feeling anything but her rage right now...it's sad to think that we all aren't able to stop her. She has her opinions, she'll tell you, but they enter my body like a serrated knife...tearing away the tissue of all the things that surround my heart. We couldn't be more opposite, for that I am glad.
I've experienced the results of her rage. I've felt the losses. I've seen and cried the tears. I've missed lots of joy and happiness. I've lost love and found it.
I think my life was planned by God. I know that nobody has ever been in this body of mine but me. The events of my life, the major ones, have ties to Lori that nobody can see, but I know she's the one behind them. Almost all of the worst things that have happened to me were started by her...like some kind of ungodly cancer for the world to ignore. She's got a plan inside her to hurt everyone and I don't know how to tell all of you how much danger we are all in. I've tried to write the perfect words so many times (this is almost my 9,000th post) with the hope that if I use them in the true context and honestly present them, that they will touch the one person that will walk up to me one day and say, "It's all over Kevin, she'll never bother you ever again." What are the words? Where will they come from? If God made this plan, shouldn't He tell me what they are?
I feel so old right now. I've felt old since I was 11 years of age. I had the best first 10 years of life that anyone could have had, then the next 42 have been Hell. I never let anyone know what I thought or felt because I thought I would get past them. I would have a body that would grow into my mind and feelings. I thought the outside would eventually catch up to the inside, but it never did.
Making excuses for Lori LaFond's behavior has only enabled her to become more murderous and wrong. "If only's" are scattered throughout her life like tombstones in a graveyard. If only she had been properly prosecuted back in high school If only she hadn't been exposed to an AIDS patient with a dirty needle. If only someone had taken the time and energy to find the computers she's used longer than the military owned them; I guess they still do, but Lori thinks of them as "hers". If only one friend had told me earlier about what she'd planned or tried. If only her father had caught her with this stolen property while he was still alive. "If only's" for Lori's life follow me like a stalker just waiting until the next time. I never wanted to know her and I never spoke of her...now that I do, she's turned it into something else.
"If only" someone cared as much for me as I do for all of you.
If only I wasn't the person Lori chose to hate and blame her whole life on.
Don't blame me for that unnatural disaster...blame me for my own disasters.
