Of course it is my night off from work and as I contemplate my strategy for the next year or two, I am firmly placing myself in a place of inner peace. I don't really need to be angry or upset. I need to accept things as they are and feel strong in my beliefs. There are a lot of feelings associated with the dreams, and disasters that follow them. I never tried to be associated with the elements that are behind this crime. The crime is built to be that way. One thing doesn't seem like it connects with the other. If someone can read your mind, why would they need to have groups of people follow you? It would seem that it takes a great deal of coordination of efforts to have people ready wherever I go.
It's never a good idea to love in an atmosphere of total hate. It's the most attacked offering that a person can feel or give, it's a weakness. On the other hand, I don't believe in hate or violence. On my own is a different way of handling this situation. I trust me and my instincts but now I have several dragons at the temple who know what I plan to do. One was hard, two is sickening. I have a lot of faith in my ability to oversee the plan I have executed, I have to be careful not to let either dragon know what to do. I've made that mistake before and one of the factions removed all the witnesses. This individual work has to be precise, well thought out, and flawless. Easy with Lori, easy with Jeff, not so easy with both. Interference is a play in a rule book for a game, but in real life, it's a viable option for terror. There is no referee until it goes into a courtroom...but then there are legal calls that will penalize the obstructions. It's a give and take plan, with legal and moral implications, but I am confident that I can live up to my own standards.
I guess what happens next is up to how well I draw up the next phase. As usual, there are already foundations in place for the next part. Keeping myself busy and sharp is all about meditation and prayer. The ability to step on a stone and not wince. For now it has to be done with. In a future time it will be seen for review. My part will be flawless. It's the way I believe. Truth and justice depend on peaceful and non-violent intelligence. For the people that depend on this crime to keep themselves out of trouble, it could spell disaster. It's a concern, but not my concern any longer. Too many people like me were used and consumed. I like the challenge of watching them eat themselves.
What's odd is that nobody believes in me or what I am prepared to do to shed all the light on this situation in a truthful manner. I am afterall the person that told the truth. I didn't lie. I didn't break the law. I didn't make my friends go through this. I did more to keep people from being infected and implanted than anyone in thirtyfive years. I did it alone. I did it for the right reasons. I did it for love. It didn't work out. So now I'm doing if for myself and for the people left behind.
