Please read this: The Most Truthful Article I've Ever Read.
There is a certain understanding that I have with Christopher that I've never had with anyone else. It's that feeling that he and I both have...we're extremely lucky to be alive. There is also another feeling that goes along with that. Why would anyone want, so badly, to keep us apart for so long?
Once you read this article I think you will understand what it is like to have HIV in 2018, when you were infected in 1987. People died all the time. In Palm Springs a maniac was running around infecting gay men in their sleep. We lost so many to something so horrible that the feeling never really goes away. In a way I understand what this article says, "I was never more of a man than I was twenty years ago." It never goes away. It never ceases to hurt. There is always something there to remind me. I could never forget how much this diagnosis changed everything in my life for the worse.
I hope someone understands that what he's done is take away my reason for living. Christopher is my reason to carry on.
Once there WAS a time when we were heroes...then when we needed to be heroes again, we didn't have the strength. I remember my friends that died from this horrible disease with the most respect. One a tennis partner that absolutely changed my life and his boyfriend that gave me my first job in the legal field. They died quickly. Then there was the friend that I didn't know died and his best friend, also mine, that I wasn't there for. He died alone and my best friend grieved alone. There are so many people that you meet along this path and you wonder, "How did I survive and for what?" You can't imagine what it is like to have survived this disease only to be raped and infected with another five. There isn't any group of words to explain what it is like to listen to your serial killer talking to you when nobody else can hear.
There is no rhyme or reason to the murderous hate that Lori LaFond has had for all of my friends, all because she couldn't make a fantasy fit my reality. There are decades of evidence that she wouldn't stop stalking me, but nobody is giving that up. There is tons of proof that Lori and her brother Brian raped me in Steven Frey's home that morning. I live with the pain in my skull that never completely goes away. To make matters worse there is a police chief that told me he wouldn't help me. How do you cope with the knowledge that someone would rather see you killed than lose his own job? It's a tough one to swallow, but I've swallowed it before.
Lori goes around telling everyone that I got fired from the U.S. Department of Justice, that's not something she should even know about. The truth of the matter is that I was being aggressively stalked night and day and then I got shot at by one of the people following me. You can read about it in my diary that nobody seems to have. There wasn't any place that was safe and while I was deciding whether or not to keep the job, I recalled one very important thing. No matter what I chose to do, there was someone out there that tried to kill me for no reason and the stalking had gone on for so many years. I had to resign of my own volition for the safety of the judge that I worked for. There was no other way to explain it. If I told them that I was being followed, nobody would have believed me. If I stayed it was only a matter of time before Lori called my boss again on the phone to lie about me. I resigned a lifetime position with an excellent judge for her safety, not mine.
I never stopped thinking like a Justice Department employee. I think that is why so many people looked up to me in Palm Springs. I knew what I was doing and I did it better than anyone else. There was a high price to pay for that kind of integrity though. I would be harassed, arrested, raped, beaten and incarcerated all in the name of finding out who was behind my shooting. It worked too. I know it was Lori's orders to her brother to carry out the drive by shooting "before her birthday". What an interesting birthday present she asked for. Kill Kevin for my birthday...is that what she thinks is "normal"? It's not normal. In fact it is how she does most of the things that she wants done...drugs for crime. She's so far gone now that simply living with HIV is a secondary thought. I have to stay alive without anyone helping me. There is nobody any longer and it pains me to think that any father would support such an extreme idea. Forcing Lori to confront the same family she has tried to destroy since I was 11 years old. This is entertainment for some of you, but for me it is a daily struggle to survive without the man I love the most to help me. It is by far the worst case scenario that Jeffrey could have cooked up.
It's been almost ten years since Jonathan died. Ten years this month. Think about what kind of time ten years is. That's two times through high school and another two years added to that. That's too long. It's way too long. Too long for answers that never seem to come. There were so many good things about what we did in this investigation and it was all destroyed by one man. He wanted to "get involved" with this crime. Instead of answering the call...he pussied out.
My father will die before he knows what Lori did to us. Jeffrey is making sure of that.
In the meantime, God only knows where Christopher is and if he is okay. Of course, Jeffrey knows that too, I guess he IS GOD. He thinks he is anyway. People with money have a tendency to think that people like me serve people like them for free. This isn't free, it's cost me my entire family and my life. He then tries to destroy my life financially without a word of truth. Sadly, I'm not the kind of person that forgives very easily. I'm the kind that thinks that if you did it once, you'll probably do it again if you got away with it the first time. I don't believe in committing crime for justice. It isn't in my DNA. I'm not the kind of person that does very well with remote neural monitoring. I don't like being told what to do and when I am, I get resentful. I also don't like being stabbed in the back over and over again, then to be expected to respect the person that yielded the knife. I'm not sorry for anything I've said or thought. I refuse to be the person that took the most beatings and still remain the bad guy. It's not fair, but that's just another part of life isn't it?
The decision to target my mom and sister to gain access to my bank account is sinister. To know that the woman that helped to cause my brother in law's death then stole the money that was left for his two daughters, has now sent her friends in to steal more is unfathomable. It isn't bad taste to have gone after her, it is pure unadulterated hate. They went after someone's sensitive situation and stole more for the girl that took the very life from his body then photographed it with a caption that said, "beautiful sidewalk". The pavement covered with his blood where his body lied dead. That wasn't enough though....she wanted to kill again. And again. And again.
There isn't any reason for Lori to have hated my family, she just picked us. Nobody knows why. Even she can't find a reason for her behavior. It's been ten years since the last attack but there has been so much done to all of my friends that I can't overlook what being me means to all of them. I'm like a magnet for her hate. She's full of it too. There is so much anger inside of her hateful body that she freaks out at the slightest thing. Nothing would ever make her happy except killing me. She wants to do that with everyone watching too. Just like her brother in San Diego. Lori wants an audience for her homicides.
