Have you ever seen a sheep? If you haven't, I suggest this picture above is a lot like Lori LaFond....back and forth on the exact same path to the food and back from the food. Her entire life is based on hurting people so she goes to one place and returns to the comfort of her own co-sociopaths once she's done to someone, what she has done to others a million times before. I've got news for you, I've been down this path with her too many times to not know that this kind of repetitious and mindless trek back and forth is a way to control her next move. Without creativity, there is no way that I can make this work. Let me explain further how I know what Lori is going to do, long before she and her friends try it.
In the meantime, while I am explaining this to you, Christopher and his team need to be working on a different path for me, this one is too worn from use. When this happens it is like a gazelle being watched by very hungry lions surveying the watering hole. The same path is used every single day...and it is predictable.
We all know the predatory nature of Lori LaFond by now. We all know that I think of her as a parasite with her victims becoming the hosts. We all know that she thinks that heavy heavy heavy repetition conditions a person to become someone that they normally are not. We all know that she acts like an immature child screaming, "Play with me, play with me," while she is torturing her targets. The whole process leaves me, an educated and reasonable man, wondering, just how educated and reasonable are we being knowing that at some point her nature is to ferociously attack? It sounds childish on the microphone, but you all are not the people with a bullet flying at your face or a Coke bottle smashing your skull, are you? If you are one of these unfortunate people, then you know, for sure, that you'd rather not be me at this point either. She's starting her manic phase, and it is about to happen again. Violence from Lori to another person is like a phone call for most. You can't imagine how little I pay attention to anything but the actions that she takes. Tonight is the usual, "play Kevin off of Jeffrey" mode. It's like Ground Hog Day with Ted Bundy.
There hasn't been a single day in the past five or six years where Lori isn't talking about "her family", how "she's changed", what "her brother forced her to do", or how it all is "someone else's fault" with Christian screaming background vocals trying to make my EEG's reach an acceptable level of irritation. The problem is that I don't want to be irritated, Lori insists that happen. If I don't make my EEG's appear to be upset (I'll explain this in this post) then Lori , "Isn't satisfied." In other words, if I don't get mad, she gets worse. The harassment factor has gotten so bad now that I can't do anything more than explain to you what today was like for me.
First let me explain the picture above. For now think of me as the sheep and look what I have to do to stay alive. I have to walk the same path, back and forth, every single day to be able to survive. What makes this worse is that every time I have to travel this path I go right past Lori's home on the way to and from work. It is a daily reminder to everyone in that home that I am this close to her "big plan coming true". It isn't a pleasant experience. I have to travel a road that is maybe 60 ft from her home every single solitary day.
Let me remind all of you that after years of stalking me in San Diego, on a round the clock basis, that she finally talked her brother in to taking a shot at me with a hand gun. I didn't go past him every day in San Diego, but now I do. Can you imagine what it is like for me knowing that the person that has tried to kill me on numerous occasions is lying in wait just down the road that I travel each and every day? It is excruciatingly exhaustive. I've done everything to rid myself of this situation by working all different shifts, but now that has all changed. I'm a sitting duck. My killers are literally like a toll road to my job and back. In my head, I have to be alert at all times, but I also know that being ready for another bullet isn't possible. You can't really know when that shit is going to happen.
I want to know the thoughts of people that might have some insight into the psychology of what it is like to be forced to have to drive past her every single day without any resolution in sight. Is this intentional infliction of emotional distress? I don't know of anyone else that has to pass her home like I do. How humane is it of the people that make these choices for me to continue to put me in this position? What if I told you that there is a police station right across from where she lives? Is there any victim out there that thinks that makes me feel more protected? Or less? It is my experience that this situation is boiling and about to boil over.
Lori is such a creature of habit that she literally takes notes on when I get upset and what the conditions were that caused it. If she thinks that "yelling for four hours, followed by repeating my thoughts out loud for the next four hours will do it" then that is what I am in for every single day for a week.
Living next to or in the vicinity of her "favorite person" or "favorite family" is a hallmark of this torture. This is the usual scenario. Lori and Brian live in a home and they utilize Christian, Leah, David and Missy Pissy to find out what would be the best way to harass someone. Don't believe me? Look at the theft of my money...David and Missy Pissy will attest that this situation grew out of a constant nagging to "do something else" to me. Whereas in Palm Springs, Missy and Leah, lived elsewhere, they now reside with Lori. Oh, if there is anyone out there that thinks Lori is "living with Jeffrey's family" that's bullshit. Missy Pissy and David are not members of any family but their own. Living with either one of them is not a sign that Jeffrey is friendly with Lori...she's lying to you if that's what she says.
Lori has this fantasy again that she and Jeffrey are one in the same. They, in fact, are not. Though I personally have problems with being dangled like so much bait in front of a Grizzly bear, it really isn't the same as what Lori does. Fuck, how could it be, Lori is the predator. The wisdom of that choice, not something I wish to talk about. I can tell you, it does not feel like protection, which is how people must think I feel. I don't. I'm as helpless as the lamb trotting back and forth on the same path every night going to get food. When you think about my drive by shooting in San Diego, this situation is a daily reminder of what can go wrong when someone isn't using their head. You can't stop a bullet, I know that, I've lived it. To force someone to have to think about it, is not humane.
Lori has become so ingrained with the belief that "there is a schedule for everything and a treatment for anyone that goes out of bounds". Now I am reliving the over night graveyard schedule that I already worked eight years while waiting for Christopher to help me. I'm back on the same shift. The torture is the same. "Keep Kevin from sleeping as long as you can (to Christian from Lori) then when he is worn down, I will start talking about Jeffrey and his poor decision making..." and the beat goes on and on and on. There hasn't been a change in this fucking routine in 11 damn years. Not one single change. It's so monotonous that I fear that Jeffrey may have rested on his laurels for too long. I need to take steps to remove Lori from my life.
At one point during this torture, both Missy and David lived with the Katzenbergs. You know how I feel about that situation. Did you also know that at some point the two of them actually talked Jeffrey into letting them stay at a different home that was paid for by Jeff? Why would they even need that? Since both David and Missy fucked that situation up, now nobody can be considered to be helped. It's one of those things where I've been left to be cared for by someone that does not care about that aspect. It's not working for me.
Today, as usual, I woke up with Lori screaming about keeping me awake all day before my shift began tonight at 11 pm. Do you know what this has been like? I never wanted to go through this again, yet, here I am 50 years old and still working at this minimum wage job without any work to be shown from anyone. This isn't a design, it is torture. It isn't humane to continue to do this. It's just not.
There is such a pattern to what she does that I literally think Christian keeps a calendar of what to do and say on what days of the week. I am not comfortable with this situation for one reason, I've done this already. I wanted to avoid it ever happening again by saving lots of money to keep myself out of this situation. It is extremely frustrating to know that not only did I save this money for this situation but that now I have to start all over again at the same job for the same pay to try to save money for me to have a life. Why can't people like Bessie Smith leave me the fuck alone?
The simple answer is that because Lori is so obsessed with me, that my life becomes the fodder for the assholes that help Lori to use to make her happy. I fucking can't stand people making Lori happy. Why should she be happy? She's never done a thing in her whole damn life to help anyone but herself and she needs five people sitting in a home to get her there? I fucking don't need this.
The simple fact of the matter is that if I wasn't writing this blog, I'd already be dead. I'm sure of it. There really isn't anything being done to help me like others, I'm literally that rabbit they put on the dog track to make them run, that's me. There hasn't been any work in my direction for stopping this situation. Someone else is still benefiting from my torture, and I don't understand that. The heaviness that I feel on my shoulders has never felt as painful as it does right this minute. There is so much more that should be going on that isn't. The reason is a lack of leadership in this investigative team. Nobody knows anything about how to proceed, so we just keep proceeding with Lori barking out orders and telling everyone to focus on me. I've been down this road many times...it never changes.
I've needed a lawyer for so long now that I can't explain to any of you how important it would have been to me to have one. I did save the money to hire an attorney, but that was stolen by Missy and David. So without the proper counsel, I've been denied due process again. I know that without any kind of attorney, this case will linger forever. I wanted that money to help me and Christopher out, but that idea was not favorable. So, once again, without any kind of consideration, I'm still the person that is being endlessly tortured; Lori's biggest fantasy come true. This whole situation isn't my favorite. I'm thinking of taking some more time off again.
I knew that taking this job would mean that Lori would pull out the pizza box with "What to do and say to Kevin when he is working" written on it. I don't know of a more capable group of people doing a less capable job than what I've seen here. Nobody ever does anything to help me, not one tiny bit. I'm so tired people, you can't imagine what it is like to start over again, for like the 20th time, at age 50. There isn't any consideration for me, nobody understands what that is like.
This isn't a post about the lack of progress from Jeffrey or Christopher, it is about the human factor that hasn't been considered. I've been pounded to death with her constant attacks on me round the clock. I can't wake up in the middle of the night without Christian and Lori trying to upset me. Every single word out of Christian's mouth is hateful and meant to cause another problem. This isn't getting better it is testing the boundaries of where Lori can get violent and where she can't. It's sad to have to beg anyone to pay attention...I have to do it on a daily basis because the complacency factor is way too high after this much time. I'm not worried, I'm certain it's going to happen. Lori and Brian will try to kill me again and nobody is going to help. The message that Missy planted was clear, "Let Lori take as many attempts on his life as possible, so that Missy can try to climb out of the hole she dug for her life." It's sad.
