Ladies, why are you so hard on yourselves?
Now, I am a gay man, which means that I love men. I have absolutely no pony in this race but today I had an unwanted conversation with Laurie that makes me wonder if she is just a hugely closeted woman basher or if the rest of you secretly feel this way and don't say it. We're men, we don't usually spend more than a second wondering, "What did that REALLY mean?" Horribly simplified, men are much less hard on you than I think you are on yourselves. Now I know that there are a lot of Hollywood types that read this blog so you all have a standard that is set by the industry and by what people say about you in magazines and although you say not to listen to them, I still see some of you cowering to what they think is "ideal" for you. Don't fall for that. Be happy being yourself. I think of our friend Adele...not a more beautiful woman on the planet, and I don't think she gives a damn about what someone is going to say about her weight, just the weight of her talent.
Some background for all of you. Growing up, my mom owned a women's clothing store. I know all about dress sizes for women from zero's to 21's and everything in between. I learned at an early age that beauty comes from a confidence that nobody can instill in you. It comes from feeling like no matter what, I feel good at this time in my life.
I've told you all before that my job with the U.S. Department of Justice was with a female judge, Hon. Nita L. Stormes, whom was the head of the U.S. Attorney's Civil Division before she became a federal magistrate. Never have I enjoyed a job more than that. I love working for women. My senior thesis in college traced the objectification of women and children in the workplace in a case called Muller vs. Oregon, that showed me how society's need to protect women and children in the workplace put them on an uneven level for pay and prominent jobs based solely on their physicality. It was an idea that started out good but ended up bad. The case was trying to keep women and children out of sweat shops working ungodly hours and protected them based on their physicality. Later that same physicality standard was used to keep women from obtaining the kinds of jobs men did...it was a blow for women in the workplace.
My emphasis was on what standard was used to set forth the alleged "glass ceiling" for women in the workplace. I have never understood why women can't be considered for and paid for the same jobs that men have. It is something that I am passionate about and something that I talk about all the time. Additionally, I worked for every single female judge on the federal bench in San Diego. They asked for me by name.
That being said, I am the last human being on the male side of this planet that would objectify women in a negative way. Some of you women, I hate to say it, are so hard on yourselves and I think it is one of the fatal flaws of achieving true equality. Women are keeping women down...now in Hollywood I know that there is a difference in pay for female actresses...I don't understand that either, but once I do get a grip on that, I am more than willing to talk about that for you gals too. There is no reason for non parity in pay for films just like there is no reason for a lack of parity in any other workplace. Either the men get paid less or better yet, the women get paid more. (Let's face it, the men won't get paid less...)
I guess my point is that I worked with women on the federal bench that achieved just as much as their male counterparts in prestige, pay, admiration and success, but they also had a standard that left them just as vulnerable as the male judges.
I see nothing wrong with telling a woman that she is beautiful. I think that as a man, we probably don't think about it as much as women do. I'm a gay man and I know I don't think about it that much. So why is is that men don't mind being objectified and women do??? Is it that whole Mars and Venus stuff? Is it because men are arrogant bastards because they love women that they see as beautiful and are more vocal about it or is it because women think about it far more and read far more into it that men do???
Today Laurie told me that it was okay for a woman to objectify a woman because she was a woman. Now you have to realize that Laurie is a woman that sometimes pretends to like men for sex but always wants to have sex with a woman. That would make her a lesbian. I've never really met a lesbian that didn't have a positive view of women. To me that's really odd. The opposite side is that she punishes gay men for the objectification of females both gay and straight as if we have some dog in the fight. We don't really care. We want all women to look stunning and feel good about themselves the last time I checked. What I am feeling here is that a woman is more jealous of another woman but puts it off on a man to make herself feel better about it. Are you women doing that to us guys? Trust me, I know my straight friends...those guys love women. All kinds of women. I have friends that couldn't care less about a dress size as long as she'll eat something when we take her out to dinner. So is it you gals being too tough on yourselves?
I read what Rose McGowan said about gay men and in particular, Caitlyn Jenner. Now I am no Rose hater here, but I have something to say. Rose, honey, I don't see you standing up for gay men when they are beaten and drug through the streets either, so taking the side of the Sultan of Brunei for his new "stoning of gays" laws and our inability to get it up for women that he objectifies in harems and with jewels...are two totally different things. I do agree that the choice for Caitlyn as the "Woman of the Year" could be offensive to women and perhaps you were right in thinking that she hasn't had the full compliment of experiences that most women have. Remember Rose, she chose to be a woman, you didn't. She literally chose to become whom you were born like and struggled through apparently because she loves women. Unfortunately your comments about gay men not getting a hard on until the Sultan throws stones at us, is a bit short sighted, but then again perhaps you are trying a bit too hard to get attention. It's been a while since "Charmed".
Perhaps Ms. McGowan's comments that I just read were meant to be funny...but saying that we, as gay men fought for the right to wear orange speedos and take molly on top of a float in a parade is just a tad bit reductive. I don't remember Harvey Milk wearing his orange speedo or taking molly, but I do remember that he fought very hard for equal rights so that I can say the same things that you do without feeling like I should be censured. I would like to ask Ms. McGowan one thing, how man gay men did you invite to your party that supported the anti-boycotting movement? I certainly do not like the treatment of women in Arab countries either, but they aren't being killed in numbers like the gays either. Yes, women are oppressed there, and some of that has to do with religious beliefs, but we ARE KILLED FOR BEING GAY. So the next time Rose has a party, she can invite me and I'll come, but I won't be wearing my orange Speedo, arriving on a float or taking molly...I'll be there because hatred like she is exhibiting needs to be loved away, not spread around on the radio or press trying to make some bullshit point about gay men being misogynistic. By the way Rose, who's doing your hair and make up? Hate to be part of your glam squad, I might get stoned.
Drag, in case most of you are wondering, is entertainment and just in case most of you are curious, gay men take just as much punishment from drag queens as any woman. If Rose or anyone is offended by the things that gay men or drag queens say and take it as misogyny, then don't go. I've heard Lisa Lampanelli and others that can be offensive to gays too...but it's called a sense of humor Rose, get one. I don't know a single gay man that is involved with women's issues to the point where gay issues don't matter any longer...and I wouldn't expect them too. Perhaps women could spend more time making their points with strong examples of people supporting women rather than dragging down gay men or trans-gendered people whom have their own issued to be dealt with. Rose, darling, I've always liked you, still do, but what you are doing is making your point, and mine, with the wrong examples. Rather than spreading what's wrong with blacks, gays, Muslims and others when it comes to women's issues, you should pick out people within your cause that do a better job, not people within our community that don't. It's detrimental to all of us.
I would also like to add that when the gay community does stand up for our rights that it includes lesbians. That's the "L" part of LGBTQ Rose. What I am getting at here is that you've attacked gay men or at least demeaned them to the point of objectified float ornaments on drugs when the Pride movement is inclusive. We fight for our rights right along side women and perhaps that's the best we can do for now. It's still fighting for women's rights and civil safety, it's just closer to home where we need it most right now. I sincerely doubt that the lesbian community would have as many bad things to say about gay men when we are both working together for equal rights at the same time. Maybe the Arabian gays and women should work together to solve their problems and Rose should not try to put one higher than the other when both are wrong.
Another thought I would like to impress upon Rose McGowan is this. You do realize Rose that the Sultan of Brunei is just as likely to stone two lesbians as he is two gay men right? Maybe even more if I am correct about the oppression of women...so you are saying that when we boycott this law, we aren't sticking up for our gay sisters? You must remember folks, our community includes everyone....including Rose McGowan if she were a lesbian. Would she feel the same about gay men then? By that standard, we are taking up women's rights and men's, both at the same time. Where is Rose McGowan when we need her for us?
I would also like to add another insight to Ms. McGowan. When an actress like Meredith Baxter came out as a lesbian, you saw the gay community open their arms and accept her like we do with everyone else, yet when one of ours, Bruce Jenner becomes Caitlyn Jenner, a trans-gendered woman, you IMMEDIATELY SLAMMED HER TO THE GROUND WITH UNFAIR ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT WHAT BEING A WOMAN IS REALLY LIKE. Of course, Caitlyn has a learning curve, but destroying a person publicly is something that an ill informed upset person does when they are angry about something. When one of ours went to your community, you pointed out the differences, when a woman identifies as a lesbian in our community we open our arms and love them. What Rose did was bullying...plain and simple. You may not agree with a magazine's choice for "Woman of the Year" but it is ONLY THAT, a magazine's choice. Next year it will be someone else and if Rose doesn't agree is she going to throw a hissy fit again? That's hardly the image of a well rounded woman either. It's hardly the Nobel prize...it is what I like to think of as a celebrity only problem....the rest of us have an opinion, but the next day we moved on to bigger issues.
The comments made publicly by Ms. McGowan are what the gay community gets all the time. We aren't "REAL MEN" because we're gay. We aren't "REAL WOMEN" because we love women. What you see with us is love of another becoming an issue for the heterosexual community when one of ours steps into their world. It's clear bigotry. It's sad. Whether Caitlyn comes from a world of privilege or not is not the issue and I would remind Ms. McGowan that Bruce Jenner trained himself to become and Olympic champion...on his own. Now that she is Caitlyn, she should be a huge benefit to a community that sees unfairness like Rose points out. Use Caitlyn as an example, not as a freak show. She wanted to be a woman more than anybody could imagine, now she knows how counterproductive feminism can be sometimes when it is misplaced. Women need to uplift women, not tear them down no matter whom they are.
Being a woman, just like being a man, has to do with maturity and wealth of experience. I doubt that Rose showed either of those by making such public comments about something so personal. This is America, she has the right to do it, but should she?
I would also like to add that when the gay community does stand up for our rights that it includes lesbians. That's the "L" part of LGBTQ Rose. What I am getting at here is that you've attacked gay men or at least demeaned them to the point of objectified float ornaments on drugs when the Pride movement is inclusive. We fight for our rights right along side women and perhaps that's the best we can do for now. It's still fighting for women's rights and civil safety, it's just closer to home where we need it most right now. I sincerely doubt that the lesbian community would have as many bad things to say about gay men when we are both working together for equal rights at the same time. Maybe the Arabian gays and women should work together to solve their problems and Rose should not try to put one higher than the other when both are wrong.
Another thought I would like to impress upon Rose McGowan is this. You do realize Rose that the Sultan of Brunei is just as likely to stone two lesbians as he is two gay men right? Maybe even more if I am correct about the oppression of women...so you are saying that when we boycott this law, we aren't sticking up for our gay sisters? You must remember folks, our community includes everyone....including Rose McGowan if she were a lesbian. Would she feel the same about gay men then? By that standard, we are taking up women's rights and men's, both at the same time. Where is Rose McGowan when we need her for us?
I would also like to add another insight to Ms. McGowan. When an actress like Meredith Baxter came out as a lesbian, you saw the gay community open their arms and accept her like we do with everyone else, yet when one of ours, Bruce Jenner becomes Caitlyn Jenner, a trans-gendered woman, you IMMEDIATELY SLAMMED HER TO THE GROUND WITH UNFAIR ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT WHAT BEING A WOMAN IS REALLY LIKE. Of course, Caitlyn has a learning curve, but destroying a person publicly is something that an ill informed upset person does when they are angry about something. When one of ours went to your community, you pointed out the differences, when a woman identifies as a lesbian in our community we open our arms and love them. What Rose did was bullying...plain and simple. You may not agree with a magazine's choice for "Woman of the Year" but it is ONLY THAT, a magazine's choice. Next year it will be someone else and if Rose doesn't agree is she going to throw a hissy fit again? That's hardly the image of a well rounded woman either. It's hardly the Nobel prize...it is what I like to think of as a celebrity only problem....the rest of us have an opinion, but the next day we moved on to bigger issues.
The comments made publicly by Ms. McGowan are what the gay community gets all the time. We aren't "REAL MEN" because we're gay. We aren't "REAL WOMEN" because we love women. What you see with us is love of another becoming an issue for the heterosexual community when one of ours steps into their world. It's clear bigotry. It's sad. Whether Caitlyn comes from a world of privilege or not is not the issue and I would remind Ms. McGowan that Bruce Jenner trained himself to become and Olympic champion...on his own. Now that she is Caitlyn, she should be a huge benefit to a community that sees unfairness like Rose points out. Use Caitlyn as an example, not as a freak show. She wanted to be a woman more than anybody could imagine, now she knows how counterproductive feminism can be sometimes when it is misplaced. Women need to uplift women, not tear them down no matter whom they are.
Being a woman, just like being a man, has to do with maturity and wealth of experience. I doubt that Rose showed either of those by making such public comments about something so personal. This is America, she has the right to do it, but should she?
Also Rose, remember, gays include lesbians. We take everyone from everywhere and tell them we love them. Blacks, Muslims, handicapped, female, male, transgendered, whatever sexuality you are...and their issues combine with ours. To talk about how we fought for the right to wear a speedo or take drugs diminishes your sisters that are lesbians and I guarantee you that they ARE WOMEN AND HAVE BEEN THROUGH AS MUCH OR MORE THAN YOU HAVE. They aren't standing on floats or taking molly...or are they? It really doesn't matter. I would hate to think that anyone would take such a narrow view when she has so much to say about a cause this dear to me. I believe in women being equal. You apparently believe they should be more than equal in the understanding of people that have their own issues...I do commend you on your awareness and charity, but not on your remarks. They are more reductive for all of us.
God bless you.
Mama Ru, can you tell my producer how you feel about this if you choose. Rose was on our favorite show Drag Race...should she be in the future? Mama Ru always knows what is best!!!
God bless you.
Mama Ru, can you tell my producer how you feel about this if you choose. Rose was on our favorite show Drag Race...should she be in the future? Mama Ru always knows what is best!!!