One of the more intriguing aspects of being me are all of the people that don't know me making my decisions for me. It's amazing how many people think that they have the right to decide what I should do and what they can do to stop it...you'd be even less amazed by how few people encourage me to think like I do and go forward. Nobody has ever survived 35 years of Laurie LaTweek...nobody. Even her parents threw her out when she was 18 and I've practically been raising her myself since then.
The decisions that I made in setting this impossible to get out of situation for Laure were based on ideas that I HAD, not someone else. I have the benefit of seeing the game board better than most...the funny thing is that once I have all the pieces in place...someone steps in and fucks up the board again. They talk to someone, they threaten someone, someone hides, someone decides not to tell the truth...so on and so forth. People are constantly making my outcome more difficult than it ever should have been. For example, Laurie and Brian should have been arrested in Arizona. There were plenty of reasons...but for someone else pulling the "don't do it" strings...it would have been over four years ago. Four years later...nothing is accomplished because of the decisions that other people have made for me. Somewhere along the line someone must have decided that my decisions were too easy...so someone had to complicate this already too long situation.
You would be amazed at what people can do when they think that they can watch you have to deal with the outcomes of their decision making. It's so much easier to watch someone else walk into a buzz saw than to warn them about it...isn't it? I guess human nature is to let someone else make the mistake for you...not to take the risk...not to get involved...to pass on by and let it not bother you. You see, I can't really afford that. My problems are far too big to do that with...which gives other people the advantage of making more decisions for me.
My plan was a simple one...make Christopher and myself informants and use what we found out to stop Laurie from hurting either one of us ever again. Then Bryan Anderson made a decision that fucked us both. Then other officers fucked us. Then my team fucked us. Then parents talked to my team and they fucked us. On and on until the entire situation is years down the road without anything happening at all. My family is more threatened than ever. My ability to tell them about it is limited more than ever. My life is more secluded than ever. Christopher hasn't been heard from in six years and spent time in jail because of decisions that OTHER PEOPLE MADE. Jonathan's dead, Anthony's missing all because of decisions that OTHER PEOPLE MADE. None of this shit would have happened if you people would have kept your fucking noses out of it. We would have been fine with my plan...but you, you just had to get involved. The only problem is that NONE OF YOUR DECISIONS HAVE EVER HELPED ME...THEY'VE HURT ME MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE...
I'm tired...tired of you...tired of the police...tired of parents...tired of victims and most of all I'm tired of Christopher and his mom that put me here to abandon me; I guess the "lifeline" extends only one direction in this situation....
