Citing that, they have provided the community with an alternative to the real Baby New Year, arrested for indecent exposure and reminding Laurie that she doesn't have a baby, the Palm Springs Police Department has allowed Brian LaPerv to substitute as this years Baby Old Year. (He has the perfect costume for it, go figure). When asked about his posthumous position appointment, Brian was heard to ask, "does this mean I can poop myself in public now Laurie?"
When asked specifics about the "Sting Operation" to nab the real Baby New Year, Officer's Fernandez and Andre commented that they were working from a tip that the BYN would be arriving at 11:59pm on 12/31/15 bringing hope and happiness to the community. That is not acceptable for anyone in Palm Springs and is an unwritten law of the "Special Forces Unit" under their current Chief, Laurie LaPerv.
According to Laurie, all babies unaccompanied by their parents, are eligible for Laurie's Day Care Center located at the La Palme, Apartments and in Sedona, Arizona where each child is photographed and filmed for "identification purposes". Each child is given a daily birthday party invitation to Brian's "special tea party" where they are fed fruit punch and cake...then put down for a nap in the "special bedroom".
Of course, Officer Fernandez and Lt. Bryan Rey-asshole, have checked to see that the Day Care run by the LaPerv's is fully licensed, and run to all of the specifications of the "Special Forces Unit" that never pays a visit.
When questioned about the wisdom of the "sting operation on New Year's Eve", Officer Fernandez said, "he was lucky we didn't sic the dog on him!" and refused to comment further on an ongoing investigation into "happiness and future for anyone besides the PSPD and the LaPerv Siblings".
Insiders say that the PSPD, in an effort to keep gay marriage from becoming a reality in the New Year, felt that it was important to send a message to everyone that if the government says gays will be able to marry everywhere in the new year, that there just won't be a New Year in Palm Springs, California. That'll show them!!!
Additionally, Baby Brian Old Year is seeking local legislation that would require all adult males shave their pubic regions to look more "child like" and that they all have to wear purple bikini style undies to show solidarity for Laurie and Brian and the "Special Forces Unit's" control over everyone's lives. Violators will have their eyebrows shaved off while they sleep...
Further legislation sought by Fernandez and the LaPerv's would be a new ordinance that would allow Laurie to tell any man or woman whom they can be in a relationship with. All approvals must be made with a clotheless interview in which Laurie and Brian will decided if "that penis goes with that vagina"...gay relationships are strictly banned. All males must have sex with Laurie...and allow Brian to photograph it for guideline security...also known as blackmail, but that doesn't "sound right" to Laurie.
Anyone in violation of any of the new policies will be arrested by Fernandez and members of the PSPD known only as the "Sex Police".
Not So Happy New Year Everyone But Laurie and Brian!!!
