Once you were implanted and infected there is a period that Laurie and Brian use to have where they didn't contact you but assigned you to someone to keep tabs on your sexual behavior. Whether you knew you had HIV or not, they were building their arsenal of blackmail against you. Years later she and he would be able to recall whom you had sex with and tell you that now that you are HIV positive that you are no better than they are.
This is called emotional blackmail and it is a severe problem with this crime. Let me tell you something right now...if you were infected at the time you were implanted you have the right to use the "rape shield law" which means that your sexual past can not be used against you in a court of law. Reporting that you are a victim of electronic harassment will provide you with the kind of protection that you need to keep you from being re-victimized by your own rapist. This is what the shield law does.
I knew going into this project that if I became some kind of Pollyana, prim and proper, that Laurie would have no interest in me...so I became what I like to call a decoy for her "favorite blackmail" game. I would go online or go out on dates and I would mostly spend my time watching stuff happen. I was always on HIV meds that would keep me from infecting people and I practiced safe sex when necessary....but I had to keep myself using drugs and going out long enough for me to get the stories that I needed to provide all of you with what has happened here.
I stand by my claim that I've never infected anyone and will test my blood against anyone's to prove it. I also wrote about twenty years ago in my diary that I would never "be able to live with myself if I ever thought that someone had gotten HIV from me"....now I would help anyone that I know that has HIV to get the drugs they need to keep themselves alive. This has been my pervasive attitude for twenty plus years...I stick by it. I've ended relationships because of my HIV status and because if there wasn't unconditional love either positive or negative then that relationship wasn't worth having. I believe in love whether it's between two positives, two negatives or poz/neg...a test will never determine whom I am with because if it is the deciding issue, than it isn't the person I would want to be with in the first place. Love knows no test...so I ended relationships based on that being the great decider without having unsafe sex with that person.
