Every Gay Man and Woman IS "The Ugly Duckling", You Do Know That Don't You?

I'm gonna let all of you straight people in on a secret that even parents of a gay child don't really know.  Gay people dream in gay...it's true.  When we fall asleep and we start to dream, a gay boy dreams in Technicolor Gay as do gay women.   If we dream of something in real life, it's about men if we're boys and women if we are girls.  The opposite sex does, occasionally enter into our dreams as a guest star, but by and large, we dream in Oz....or should I say, we dream about our "homosexual lifestyle".  I challenge any straight person with gay friends to ask them if they dream in straight or gay and they will tell you...100% gay.

Think I'm lying? How many of you straight guys out there dream in gay?  None.  I know it and so do you.  Since most of you all are hetero in your sexual, you take this for granted.  Gay people don't.  So while you teenage straight guys are dreaming about girls and boobs and straight sex...we were dreaming about something totally different.  It isn't something that we talk about.  You want to know something else that's consistently true?  We don't usually dream about straight guys, we dream about them in our adolescence, but as we got older and more comfortable, we dreamed about our gay relationships...

Here's another interesting fact...gay men don't have "nocturnal emission dreams" very often...none of my friends ever have.  You want to know why?  Society, from an early age, taught us that gay wasn't a good thing.  We all had a mom and a dad...sisters and brothers...and, for the most part, our "sexual fantasy" dreams stopped at a certain line well before ejaculation while we slept.  It's almost consistent across the board.  Something in our head keeps us from going where heterosexual children go.  I don't say "normal' because I know I am "normal" for a gay man...

I do have a point here.

From the beginning, every gay child, lesbian and gay man, is "The Ugly Duckling".  We know that we are different.  We know that the feelings that we have about how we are on the inside are reflected on the outside and we learn to suppress them to look and act like all the other kids.  It's not that every gay man wants to wear women's clothing or every lesbian want's not to wear a dress....it's how we express ourselves to other kids that we suppress.  What a gay child wants to do is give the girls and the boys a hug...talk about their feelings with boys like they do with girls...and at some point, those feeling develop, like with straight kids, into feelings about the same sex.  We learn to suppress those feelings.  We know where that will go.  We know that it will bring attention that isn't positive and we hide them....until our early adulthood mostly.  So we grow up, as "the ugly duckling" until we are in an environment that allows us to be swans.

Until we enter that safe zone, we learn to shake hands with men, make friendships out of our affections for the same sex instead of pursuing them and we learn to not express ourselves outwardly...but inside that clock is ticking.  

You always hear about how "our parents always knew" about our sexuality and that's true.  They know us from the time we are born to be expressive and loving towards everyone...and over time we start to suppress what use to be "isn't that cute" to a place that is appropriate for society.  Inside, we were always the same person.  

In short we have the "ugly duckling" syndrome inside of us that some people call, "the closet".  I was no different, but the closet wasn't really an option for me because I was popular, out going, athletic and I had a lot of friends...so my closet was, as is the case in many of us, right out in the open.  Of course we tried to fit in...I ended up dating the most beautiful lesbian that I gravitated towards because then, sex, wasn't the question and we "looked good together".  On her part, I have to admit, I think she was equally as comfortable with my role as the jock that wasn't going to pressure her for sex.  To our credit, we are both outspoken members of the gay community and I think that both Nonie and myself were accepted (voted "The Best Looking" each of us in our senior yearbook) because we, without talking about it, protected each other in a world of Laurie LaTweeks...

I am so proud of my girlfriend from high school and I wonder now if she even considers me her high school boyfriend.  I mean we sort of dated...I think we kissed sometimes...held hands sometimes....God, I hope I never offended her....I really love her for whom she's become.  She's been married twice now to women and has no problem telling people that she's a lesbian.  To me, it means everything...she's an awesome girl...beautiful, loving and cool as Hell...I'm not glad she's a lesbian, I'm stoked...what a wonderful example of a woman that loves women...the girls couldn't be better off.  Muah, Nonie...some day we will go to a gay pride with our spouses and laugh about it...that would make me very happy.  (On a side note to myself: remember to apologize for all that kissing and hand holding stuff; we should have just told each other and made a pact to look the part so that we could make it through high school....lol)  Nonie would later become the "Homecoming Queen" and I'm sure that she loves knowing that our class supported her being her beautiful self...she's so confident that I'm proud that I was her "guy" in high school...what a pair.

My point to all of you at this juncture in the story is this..."The Ugly Duckling" is a metaphor for gay kids...it always has been and always will be.  We grow up, find the right pond, and grow into beautiful swans.  That usually happens around college age.

Then there is the Ugly Fuckling...the gay kid that knows they are different, but to fit in, picked on all the other ugly ducklings.  If you do this, then the other ducks won't notice you as much.  It's an extreme survival technique that beheads all of the other ugly ducklings and spares herself.  The ugly fuckling does things that the other ugly ducklings won't do...they become promiscuous with the opposite sex and grow a tremendous resentment towards them.  They have this thing about how the "opposite sex" is horrible, but I'll have sex with them just so nobody else thinks I'm as different as I know I am.

The problem with the "Ugly Fuckling"?  The grow up to be "Ugly Fucks"...they never swan.  They hide their sexuality from their parents and early pond mates to the point where there are two separate ponds.  The straight pond where they hate being and the gay pond where they are ostracized for their continued attitude towards the opposite sex.  The "ugly duckling" accepts everyone to that their difference is less criticized, while the "ugly fuckling" thinks that society will never accept them the way they are.  An ugly duckling swans into a beautiful person full of love for everyone hoping that it will be extended to them...the ugly fuckling grows into an ugly fuck and expects everyone to treat her like an ugly fuck so the front continues throughout their entire life and is criticized for it. 

The ugly fuckling hates gay people outwardly but covets the situations and families where the ugly duckling thrives in their adulthood.   Ugly fucklings turn to destructive behavior like drugs and alcohol to mask their sexuality and the pain that they perceive will come if the two ponds ever merge into one.  Keeping the ponds separated is of the utmost importance because if anyone ever finds out just how ugly the fuckling is on the inside, then acceptance will never happen.  It's a maturity thing...the ugly duckling turns into an adult swan inside and out; the ugly fuckling turns into an adult ugly fuck and that's where you get the "worst kind of gay"...the homophobic homosexual.  The one that hurts their own pond to save their secret...this worked in high school for themselves...and selfishly, it should work again...but it doesn't.

The reason that the ugly ducklings turn into adult swans is BECAUSE OF THE SAFETY OF THEIR POND not in spite of it...poisoning the pond by any member is shunned...and it is fiercely protected by members of the Swan Community like Uncle David Geffen, Uncle Elton John, Aunt Ellen DeGenneris and Aunt Rosie O'Donnell.  You don't go messing with their pond of acceptance or you end up in a duck season of discontent. You won't be allowed to swim in the safety of that pond...it is for swans and friends of swans only at that point....

We get very protective of our own...there is no such thing as swan season.  We earned the right to stop being hunted by the general public after years of dodging bullets in our childhood.

Note to self: Laurie will now make some irrational and off the cuff remark about Duck season, hunting, bullets and not being a swan...no Laurie, nobody is hunting you with a gun or ammunition...we are simply making duck calls to see if we can flush you out.

Palm Springs use to be considered one of the safest ponds of all...but the last twenty years someone was tagging and releasing our swans.  Whomever it was used tracking devices to allow the police to come in with special hunting licenses and started plucking swans from our pond.  To get this accomplished whomever it was used the guise of another "ugly duckling" to gain access to the pond where other ugly fucklings were waiting for them...pulled them into the reeds, drugged them, tagged them, plucked their feathers and used those tags to tell the police whom hunted us down and put us in jail.  This should have made the pond that the ugly fuckling wanted safer for them like in high school...but the rumors swirled in the swan pond.  Don't swim alone...don't swim near the reeds...there is safety in numbers.

This was definitely the work of an ugly fuckling or four who sought elimination of the swan pond....they are now ugly fucks...and they are hiding out...

This time the ugly fucks eliminated so many swans from the same pond that it is obvious whom it was.  Certainly the police know whom did the tagging...and simply put...if you tagged it, you told on it...nobody else would know...

This is the story of four ugly fucklings...who grew up to become Ugly Fucks...and bastardized the community that would have sheltered them...that's the price you pay for popularity in this neck of the swap.  If you tag too many swans, you're gonna get caught.

The end.