Ever just wish you were a million miles away from everyone. Where nobody knows you and you just get to be you again? Not some kind of Lori LaFond character that she dreamed up on the way to the destination, no, I'm just wanting to be me. I'm happy with who I am. I just want to be so far away from people that crumple my life into a ball and throw it in a wastepaper basket. You know some people like being nice, I'm one of those. It's who I am.
If I could get into my car and drive a long way away from here, I'd still feel better than languishing in an ambush ready trap set by someone that neither knows nor cares about me. I feel like one of those feeder mice you give to a snake to live. Just waiting for a hand to pick me out of the box of other mice so that I can try to escape the snake again. I've been so close to defeating this horrible woman, and every time, someone fucks up and they pay no price for it. It's like, "Oh that's Kevin, he'll get over it." What if I don't get over it?
That which is good about me will live on forever, somewhere, but it will never be that way in Jeffrey's eyes. I'm the person that did what he wished he could have done, but he doesn't even care about what it took to get here. It's nothing to be envied. Sure it's easy to take all the credit when you have money and influence, but it's far more impressive to see and experience the climb then it is for him to fly his helicopter in to see the view, just before I get there, to spoil it for me. His life, his way of living. Not mine, not my way to see a mountain top.
In three weeks it will be the ten year anniversary of Billy's rape and Sedona, Arizona. TEN YEARS!!! Not one single thing has changed. Nothing. It's all still exactly the same as it was ten years ago.
That's what money can buy for you...
