You wake up in the morning and Laurie has an empty pizza box lid filled with little darts of hate filled messages that she wants, no, "just can't stop herself", from forcing her brother, herself and Christian, from saying to me, before I can even get out of bed. It's an agenda of hate that is always trying to target me with negativity before I even can get a thought of my own put together. Meant to paralyze a victim with fear, dread, animosity, anguish, humiliation and panic before they even start their day. I should go and work out at the gym, but there is so much to do. There is so much that needs to be said. If I don't go work out, then she feels that she's accomplished something, but if I don't get some writing done, then I haven't done my job. If I don't try to find a job, then next month is going to be a disaster financially and if I don't find a way out of this mess, I won't survive this disease. There is only one of me that does this. I am only one person, people.
It occurred to my friend Simon and myself this morning that one thing that has been paid way too much attention to and, at the same time, not nearly enough attention to, is what Laurie and Missy are doing. "Making Laurie happy." Why in the world would that become a priority on any level? Making a rapist happy isn't the goal of any police investigation. So she won't rape again? That's pacifying a terrorist, not my goal. That's like handing her another unsuspecting rape victim...not my intention at all. Laurie has this way of allowing a victim's fears to become the roadmap to her "greatest accomplishments"...let the victims solve her problems. What Simon and I see is the opposite. What she is showing all of us are her biggest problems by what SHE IS FOCUSING ON, Jeffrey and myself. If all she can focus on is Jeffrey and me, then aren't we the solutions to the problem of Laurie? I think what we aren't paying enough attention to is "making Laurie unhappy". I know I don't make her happy, so who is? If I'm not providing her with happiness, it must be the other guy.
I worked my ass off. I've provided the income intellectual property and the team that handed the correct evidence and the victims. I can't be held responsible for 100% of the great work not being put into the hands of the wrong people when I handed the right people to the wrong person for development. Consequently, I've provided the right attorneys, the right law, the right circumstances with the informant level of protection (with signed papers) and I've Pied Piper-ed her into the middle of nowhere to get her away from her minions that would see her helped. I don't know how much more a broke guy can do Jeff, but I'll try? I've given a hundred percent with a lot of sacrifice here. I haven't seen a whole lot of anything on your end. A lot of apathy. A lot of money being thrown at someone that said, "keep Laurie happy". A lot of time making money for you and your wife's businesses. What I haven't seen is much concern for a family that clearly spent forty years fending her off.
You can't expect us to fend this girl off with sticks and rocks Jeff. You can't expect my family to fight her off with rumors and innuendo. I've done a great job of preparing other families to keep them safe, but thus far, it's me against all of you and I don't see that as a friendly exchange of information. I see a one sided attempt by a team member trying to use a lit torch to keep away a T-Rex. I'm living in a cave here people. Laurie's method of forcing herself into these dreams of hurting people with memories of "what she can and has done" isn't anything more than a constant reminder to her brother of darts that once hit the dart board. If I would just stand still long enough, maybe she would get lucky again. Without sleep, without food, without meds, without money, without protection, without friends, how long do you think I'm going to be able to keep moving Jeff?
