The black ball of death. Just like every Christmas with Jeffrey Katzenberg is. This year, rather than the usual snub, he's upped the painful humiliation factor adding my two best friends, their wives and my boyfriend to my own former investigative team. It seems that the usual holiday party wasn't as festive with the same ol' "make fun of Kevin before we send Laurie over to steal his Christmas gifts" so he enlisted some of my favorite people to join in the merriment. What a terrific idea! Smells like Missy doesn't it? Only a crotch eating man hating lesbian like her could come up with one like that...I guess that fills in that cold dark childless womb of hers! I often wonder if the ice cycles that form in her uterus are painful or if she just got use to them after all of those years of birthlessness.
Not having a girlfriend in her life has really turned her cold heart into stone this year so she and Jeffrey went all out this time finding the people that I love most to join in on the fun and convincing them that what they are watching is "the best thing for my family". It's like the Walton's Christmas Special for the rich, isn't it Jeff?
Meanwhile back on planet human being where the rest of us live. I want everyone to know that I am prepared for his usual "bah humbug" routine that he will tell his wife, "I thought that was funny Marilyn...wasn't that funny guys" and the inevitable act that the two alcoholics will go into pretending that it isn't. Then they will apologize to Jonathan's mother and Christopher's mother and the police that they are fucking over...blah, blah, blah, but the truth is, Marilyn couldn't be less effective if she were on a Valium drip and Jeffrey couldn't be acting more drunk if he were at the Comedy Store with Pauly Shore, staggering home...like the good old days. It's a mess here in the desert where Jeffrey has caused everyone to turn into little tiny versions of himself saying things like, "...but I can't" and "...it's not my responsibility" and the ever classic, "...how much is this gonna cost me?"
There's more grooming going on here than a poodle salon in West Hollywood before a kennel show. I've not seen less work happening since DreamWorks laid off their animation staff (probably the gay ones). This is the laziest group of people I've ever seen. They get paid to sit around and babysit Jeffrey's fragile ego. Waiting for the next time he'll do something stupid and act like it should have been smart when he knew it was a bad idea to begin with. How many billionaires do you know go with an idea that they know is stupid and run with it for nine years? Seriously? This guy hasn't had one good idea in nine years...how in the fuck does he keep his money?
One thing you should all know by now is this. I don't want any of Jeffrey Katzenberg's money. I'm not afraid to take it from him though. He's been playing this game of rich man/poor man like he's some kind of screening service for Christopher's family like he's got some kind of agenda for them. I'm the one that fed Christopher. I'm the one that did all this work for him. If that family is trying to see if I'm worthy of Christopher, they've got another thing coming. I'm not only worthy of Christopher, I'm not so sure he's worthy of me. As far as finances go...I'm not worried about my future at all. This bullshit where Jeffrey is some rich person screening service is bullshit...I'm a commodity and I don't need anyone scrutinizing my intentions. Jeffrey didn't exactly do a bang up job checking out Missy or Bessie for his family or David's. The two biggest hustler no work bimbos on the planet that had their hands open the entire time made it through his "exclusive service" are world famous for sitting on their fat asses doing nothing for cash.
I'm not going to be surprised by any "bah humbug" from this asshole or his asshole wife. I've found them millions of dollars of their own priceless stolen goods without so much as a "thank you" or "that was nice of you". I didn't know who they were before this investigation and I wish I didn't know who they were now. My life is much worse for having known them at all. This will always be the worst Christmas on record for one reason. It is the Christmas that Christopher decided that the Katzenberg family needed more help than my own. That is the wrong decision in my book. A book that will be written with those very words in it with or without him around.
Christopher needs to figure out something. Nobody on this entire planet wanted him to succeed here in Palm Springs or California but me. I made him a success. Now he's ignored every single thing I've done for him, but one thing I will say is that I only wanted his happiness. I hope he's happy now. If he is, then I've succeeded.
