How Much Harder Do I Have To Work For My Uncertain Future?

I am certain that Steven Frey knows the feeling that I have today.  He and I have both had to reboot our entire lives two or three times.  Me, I think this is probably the fourth major reboot of my life and every single time, Laurie does just enough to make problems while sitting at home on her staph covered ass doing absolutely nothing.  She honestly thinks that she is going to be able to steal from someone that has no income...that's how ridiculous she is. She calls the police to tell them someone is on drugs, but she steals all the drugs from that person two days before.  She wants to complain about something, but ruins her own fantasy before it could ever be true.

If there is anyone out there that doesn't know how hard I worked on this case, you probably aren't being told the whole story.  I took risks because I'm not protected by anyone that would keep Laurie from trying to kill me.   I am protected by my own intelligence.  I am protecting others with my own ingenuity and innovation.  I think, sometimes, I am punished for my own intelligent way of approaching this crime.  I've made the right moves to help all of my friends and worked with the police in every possible way.  What happened was beyond my control.  Emails to my police contacts were deleted by Laurie.  Every single warning was not heeded.  Words of advice were discarded.  The negativity of other's plans for themselves out weighed the good that was intended for everyone.  My innovation was my downfall.  That's pretty sad.

People see me reduced to a "home advocate" now because the situation has become so dangerous that I can't even go to 7/11 or AM/PM without having Laurie's big mouth affecting someone else.  Laurie is always looking for someone to upset me.  It's as if her entire world exists to make me mad.  This is exacerbated by a desire "not to help Kevin" by this local team watching everything.  It's like having a negative cheering section for a sociopath like Laurie.  Tell her not to do something...she'll do it.  Tell her you don't care, she takes it as permission.  Warn her to stay away, she'll text.  After a while you learn that if you don't roll with it, you get bowled over by it.  You can't react.  You can't over react.  You can't feel.  You can't express it.  You can't be friendly.  You can't be upset.  Every single human emotion that a rape victim should be able to feel, has been numbed by this local team and Laurie's reaction to them.

The very last thing I want to do is blame Missy for the inaction of everyone.  If adults are adults, it wouldn't matter what she has to say.  It's time for people to understand that what Laurie always wants is a fight.  I'm not going to fight or ignore the problem.  I'm simply going to write about my feelings and the situation as it gets more and more dangerous.  The danger is escalated by non-action and by a desire to hurt me...the point of all of this writing, for me, is to stay alive and out of harm's way.  I know it is entertaining for people to watch Laurie fuck with me, but I'm nonplussed.  It's been this way my whole life.  I expect it.  What I don't like is whom is being used to try to hurt me while they watch.  It's not fair to those that would help me but for a promise...nobody wants to live this way.  I get it.  Things can change rapidly for those whom think that knowing whom Laurie is, for real, isn't a huge advantage, more than all the times before.  I know whom she is and I know how to deal with her.

Here's the rub.  The Palm Springs team is 100% wanting to talk to me so that I can help.  The Joshua Tree team is 90% feeling that way.  10 % has to be saying, "we are going to do it" to the Palm Springs team.  That 10% has been deciding for the 95% for over six and a half years, much to the disappointment of everyone.  I don't understand how 5% of anything is controlling my friends.  That 5% was given half a decade to do what I had ready for them 7 years ago.  Since then nothing has happened to any of them, me, much different story.  5% needs to be cut out or finish their job.  The deadline is upon them.  The risk of holding everyone back isn't as important as doing what they said they'd do.  If it isn't done soon, I'm going to use an alternate and final plan.  Nobody knows what it is like to be used in this manner.  Putting my best friends in a position to watch the 5% do this...is a dick thing to do to them.  It is a backhanded slap in their faces and it makes them look bad.  It is simply a power play made with a promise that never materializes.  We need to move past this.  Someone needs to go beyond the 5%...PERIOD.  There is too much at stake for one small faction to do what they are doing to my relationships with my boyfriend and my friends.  It's making you all look bad.