Only one friend of mine turned down Jeffrey Katzenberg's offer to stop being my friend and stop talking to me while he fucked with me for the last 8 years. That was Mark Finley. When he was told not to be friendly with me any longer, he looked at Missy Pissy and thought, "No, Barbara told me you would be like this and I think that is fucked up, I won't treat Kevin like that." That is what a real friend is like, not like Christopher, Jonathan or Anthony...a real friend doesn't just walk out on you because some fucking rich asshole tells them it's a good idea.
I was thinking tonight about what kind of person Christopher (and his mother) are to have let this situation go on this way for this long...and you know something? It's too long for me to ignore any longer. It's too big of a RED FLAG! I know better than to carry this torch any longer. I'm not doing this any longer. I've carried this kind of relationship on for too long and you know something, if the mother and the son are like this, then I'm not hanging out with the right family for me.
That's not to say that they are even involved in the first place. For all I know Christian, Lori, Brian, Missy Pissy and David could have been lying to me the whole time. I just believed that Jonathan was telling me the truth when he wrote in that ASS-trology report and something he wrote to me once when we were all friends at his house. It was stupid to believe all of that. Mark actually taught and told me something about Christopher a long time ago and I should have believed him apparently since I haven't heard anything from him in seven or eight years. That's just abusive and strange. If I find out that he was actually here living this close to my family and didn't ever say anything, I think that is probably the cruelest thing of all.
You know he and Benjamin haven't done shit in years in this investigation but sit around and work out all day long while Robert Baker (Benjamin's boyfriend and I) had to work and spent a decade being alone. While we were working all they did was hang out and work out... and we're suppose to be perfect for them when Jeffrey decides to let us talk? They're going to be like Greek gods and we're going to be out of shape old guys that aren't even attractive to them by Jeff's own design. I'm horribly out of shape and Lori tortures me night and day. Benjamin and Christopher haven't heard a peep out of her for years now. They get sleep, protein shakes, whatever they want. Me, I get four children at 7am under four years old every day, I work at 5:30 am full time, I can't afford to go to they gym, I live with my parents and I can't go anywhere or do anything. I don't even have a cellphone. Fuck, Jeffrey even stole my saving's account from me. This fuck literally is making me look bad and LOOK BAD! I'm sure that Robert knows the same feeling.
What I'm saying is that I would rather be with someone that WANTS TO BE WITH ME, not with someone else. I'm not interested in someone that wants to spend his time with Benjamin and his fucking father. I'm over this entire situation now. I'm an adult. I'm tired of hearing how Christopher, "wants to be with me, but he just can't figure it out...", bullshit. I'm over it. Another summer came and went and he isn't getting the hint. I don't want to be with someone like you. Is that clear? I want to be with someone like me. Someone that wants to be with someone they are interested in...someone that says that they love someone and is with that person, not someone else. I want to do things with that person, not someone else. I don't want someone else's father controlling my boyfriend. I want someone that makes me laugh and spends time with me, not Jeffrey. I'm past this entire thing. I've given 100%, 100% of the time and Christopher gave 0%, 100% of the time. I'm exhausted.
This isn't the person for me. So if there is anyone interested in someone that is not like Christopher, let me know. I could use the help.
