Once you read what my friends did to me to get themselves to a place where everything was fine for them, you'll understand why I don't want them as my friends any longer. You know it's one thing when a friend calls off plans to do something else or flakes or something, but when your friends trade you off so a serial killer that gave them AIDS will bother you instead of them...then we're probably not compatible. Then again, once you have traded me off for the target of the serial killer and seven years go by and you've held on to evidence that would prove she's a serial killer, you probably don't want to ask me to be your friend either. In fact, don't.
When you take twenty five years to tell me that all this time I knew that there was a serial killer after you and that I know she tried to have you shot in San Diego...we might have a difference in opinion about how strong your side of our friendship is.
You should understand that my friends have all just completed fucking me...literally, all of them, for almost a decade. They also watched while someone else tried to kill me and steal my life savings and did nothing. You see, in order to keep that from happening to them, which is ridiculous because none of them had a dime to their names, they shoved my high school bully in front of my family and said, "Go get him and not me."
I was just hoping to find decent friends. Don't care about race or sexuality or gender, but don't be a friend of Jeffrey Katzenberg or his wife. I don't want anything to do with Christopher Monti or his family. I need you to understand that honesty and commitment are important in long term friendships and that lying to me is an instant dismissal. I'm knowing that there isn't anyone out there that can do that...I just wanted my friends to be shamed into knowing what they are not.
