I realized today just how much I have to try to balance my mind and my mind that works on this crime like a computer. I thinks one of the hardest things for people to understand is that I, at any time, can be having up to three separate conversations at the same time. I know that it is difficult to grasp how that feels when the conversations are not limited to the people in the room with you.
Imagine, for a second, what it is like when you are watching television, music is playing at the same level, you are talking with someone in front of you and then the phone rings and you have to answer it. That is what my life is like every single minute of every single day. Most of the time I have to remember not to make it look like I am talking to myself. I'll bet there are a few police officers out there that know what I am talking about too.
There, in fact, are so many things firing off in my mind all at once that sometimes I sleep just to have the conversation limited just to whatever Lori and Christian are trying to bother me with. There really isn't any way to tell you what it is like to hear inside your mind, but I can assure you that in the future you will be able to test that out. The technology is available in stereo speakers that, when pointed directly at you, send the music to your head and bypass your ears.
My head is a conduit for fights between Lori and Missy, Lori and Brian, Christian and Lori and Lori and David. You know how when you hear someone in a fight with someone else and it makes you feel tense? That's the feeing that Lori wants you to have from the second you wake up until the second you sleep. The, when you do sleep, she starts to guide your dreams with these nonsensical stories about her sexual fantasies and fetishes. I'm disgusted by most of the things, but her resounding dream is one where someone has anal sex with me or makes me feel left out like she does. It's weird how unwanted she tries to make other people feel. If she could kick a person when he is down, she'd do it a hundred times to make herself feel better.
