You know, one of the greatest things that I love about being sober is that I've been able to stay that way for quite some time now. There are lots of way to do this, but I found that A/A works for me. It may not work for some of you and that's cool, but for me it does the job. One of the reasons that I use to believe in Marilyn and Jeffrey Katzenberg was that I heard that they were supporters of this program, but I don't believe this any longer. My experience is that they challenge every single belief system that goes along with this. Jeffrey has done nothing but take away every single solitary thing in my life that would support an A/A support system.
He's the last person in the world that I would turn to for support. He's stolen money from me. He's lied to my family. He's lied to my friends and told them not to talk to me or help me. He's taken from my life and made every step of the process difficult for me. He's literally tried to force me back to drugs and alcohol. I won't do it. I'm not going to give him or his girlfriend any kind of leverage in this regard. First of all it's what would give my sister way too much of what she would want to have an excuse to hurt me with. It's amazing how people that love you want to have an excuse to hurt you with drugs, isn't it? They want you to use so that they can say that you've fallen again. If you aren't working they want to have a reason to go to your family to say, "Well, he's blown it again." I'm not that guy.
I used drugs while this whole stalking thing was going on because I was afraid of what was happening and I didn't know what it was. I was lonely. I'm not him anymore. I'm me again. I know who is behind this. I know who she is. I know what she has done and I know that using drugs is what they all want me to do to make them feel better about what they have done to me. If I use drugs, then my sister will feel better about stealing money from me. She'll say it was for my own good. Nope, not gonna do it.
I haven't done something like than in nearly ten years and I'm not about to let anyone off that hook. Besides, I'm not afraid of anyone any more. I would rather die of AIDS now than let Jeffrey get away with hurting another person with his stealing and getting away with it. In some ways I'm finer with that than using this disease as some kind of extortion weapon for his lesbian girlfriend's terror. I lived in fear for too long. These victims are tired of being used for the disease that they didn't deserve to get. They were raped. They weren't having risky sex or using dirty needles. They went to sleep and woke up infected. Once you have HIV, you aren't any different than anyone else...but before you are infected you are careful and cautious. You are one of the SAFE ones...those are the kinds that Laurie hunts for. That's the sad part. You go from being one of the CAREFUL ones to one of the STIGMATIZED without knowing how it happened. Laurie, on the other hand, was never safe about anything...still isn't. There isn't an item in the grocery store that hasn't made a trip up her wishing well. Even my grandfather's golf putter has been there allegedly. Yikes.
It seems odd to me that the very same sister that wanted me to be sober would be the same person that would put me in the position to test my sobriety so much with two people that boast so much about sobriety and its wonders and miracles.
The Katzenbergs....not very nice people....and not who they say they are.
