Morally Conscious


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Today's theme:
Boy did I make Lori mad today...all I had to do was talk about how much I love Christopher to someone from my work! It was like a shockwave delivered to the heart of my stalker. Lori must have some kind of weird thoughts going through her pin head tonight because she is twirling around like Linda Blair's head on a possession victim. What kind of lesbian is in love with a gay man to the point where she freaks out when he talks about his own boyfriend? Lori has some issues with reality and not knowing what it is. I know that Christopher must just cringe when she starts hearing that I don't have any kind of feelings for this high school loser! She's using yearbooks from Junior High School and high school to make up fantasies about some life she never had. I'm considering locking myself in my home again and not coming out. Total Single White Lesbian Female material. Calm down Lori, you've been dumped before...
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Monday, March 13, 2017

Consider Myself Stabbed In The Back: Woke Up Bleeding Again And Didn't Even Know It!!!


Remember the other day when I said I had to have a talk with someone to unburden myself with the loss of my finances that I'd worked for and saved for six long years?  Well you know good old Jeffrey, he stabbed me in the back with it.  Apparently he took that conversation and had a talk with either Bessie or someone and that person tattletaled it with my uncle.  Want to see what I woke up to this morning on his way out of town?  This is the text message that I got from my dear uncle, whom I love very much about what I have to deal with now that Jeffrey and his friends have decided to make me look like the "bad guy" of the family.  Now mind you.  I came to this town sober and got a job working part time.  I worked overnights.  Bought a car.  Got my family jobs there.  Lived in a trailer for a year and a half.  Got my own home then moved, unwillingly into a home where my nieces lived because my sister wanted her own home.  So I paid the majority of the rent and the majority of the bills so that my mom and dad could make the mortgage on the home.  In other words I moved out of my own place alone to help out my family.

Still, I managed to put away $350 -$400 a month for 70 months, but that money went missing.  Mysteriously all that money, which was borrowed by my family on occasion, and was never used by me, disappeared.  Nobody knows where it went.  I'm suppose to believe that it never happened.  My sister says she doesn't know about it.  My mom swears to God that there was never an account.  Now my sister told me today that, "You don't have a penny to your name and that she didn't steal it".   "You never had an account there."  So the money that I worked for is just gone...forever.  I know that on my disc in these transaction are the deposits.  Barbara has seen me say, "bank it" to my mother at least 60 times...and that's the truth.  Remember everyone, I'm a wired police informant and what I think, say and do is recorded always.  So I know what I do is kept a record of.  This isn't going to go away.

This is what my uncle had to say to me today:

"Your family, me included think it's time you stopped taking advantage of your parents and started paying them for them for the support they have given you in $$$$ and unconstitutional loving support through your darkest times and drugs,  You come and go like the wind eat and leave your dirty dishes for someone to clean up.  I am speaking from my observations over these three weeks with your parents.  You are educated thanks to your parents and have become a burden financially.  I do not like to say what must be said to you Kevin Bond.  Like me or not I wish you were here in person so I could look inside thru your telling eyes .  You told me you hate this place so get your shit together and make a positive move towards independece...take a look in your mirror and see the true you at 49 with very little to show for what you have not accomplished!!! I love my family Kevin and you are that.  No person in this family asked me to say these things to you .  I take full responsibility for my words and the consequences!  Blunt talk Kevin.  I'm here to help Eric not you.  You must help yourself."

Nice huh?

First of all this is the result of a police department that lies.  This is the result of years of me not doing what I should have done with my own money and trusting a family that needed help with it.  I should never have allowed myself to have trusted anyone with my own finances.  I know better now than to ever let anyone near money.  My family has a really bad history of jealousy.  The money that was put in that bank account wasn't anyone's but mine.  i earned it working at night.  I put it away and didn't think about it because that is the way I save money.  It was available to my family upon request.  For my uncle to say that I am a burden on this family makes me angry and upset.  He's not really to blame here though.  It is someone else that is feeding him this bullshit.  I know who that person is.  When someone else wanted to borrow that money she asked for it.  So did her kids.  They asked several times and the answer was always yes.  I had a penny to my name then...and I never spent a dime of it afterwards so where did it go?  My mother was in charge of having the money returned so that person can act like she doesn't know a thing about it, but she sure use to.   I will not be bullied by my family with all this talk about "being a burden" to anyone.  I made up for the shit I cost this family and I did it in spades!!!

My father's opinion about me is what you are reading above through my uncle's words and I'm not going to hear anyone tell me that I'm the one that is putting a burden on him.  What I've done for him is remarkable. I've delivered him his life story.  I've delivered him exoneration for what happened to him in his life.  My sister refuses to tell him who was behind his trial and his tribulations.  Many of them.  Bryan Anderson isn't telling him the truth either.  What price do you put on that?  What I've paid for that kind of information with HIV and being shot at and losing my career is far greater than the $600 that I owe him now, so he can pout all he wants but the truth of the matter is that he's cost me just as much as I have ever cost him.  He has no idea what he as cost me and my life either.  It is a far greater toll that I have paid, trust me.

The price that I paid to keep my family safe from Laurie was my life.  I paid with my life which apparently isn't enough.  I saved the money that is now missing and apparently isn't going to come back.  My sister told me that there isn't any money so if she didn't take it, who did?  If she did take it, she isn't going to give it back.  Her intent is to not give it back.  So where did it go?  She doesn't want me to talk to my mother about it again.  That's suspicious.  I don't disagree with her though, I saw the hurt in my mom's eyes and I can't make her lie to me again.  It's too painful and talking to her about something that we built together isn't making me feel good no matter what.  I know that we built a substantial amount of trust in doing that.   I felt good about it with her and I know that she, God and I know the truth.  That's good enough for me at this point.  God will forgive my mom.

My uncle has no idea about this crime.  He has my father.  My dad is an ardent supporter of my sister, always has been.  My father has always been less than supportive of me.  He blames drugs.  He has no idea about what the truth is and my sister turns to the "drug blame" every single time.  When I was working these last nine years he still used it.  When I had money he laid off.  Now all of a sudden he's back on this kick.  He had no idea about the money we put away because my mom and I wouldn't tell him.   Now he's acting like I'm some burden but his grandkids borrow money at will.  It's sick.  I paid for this mortgage because he asked me to.  I gave up my own home...now he's back on my sister's side like always and guess what, I'm back to not liking him again.  I look in his eyes and I can see the hate again.  When it comes time for money to happen, it won't be happening for him.  I don't like the way he treats me.  It's always money, money, money.  I'm so tired of this situation...he never loves without money.

As for my mom, I love her so much it hurts.  This situation is so abusive it kills me.  I refuse to believe that this isn't elderly abuse.  Someone is abusing my mom.  She has been working so hard at taking card of four great grandchildren because she loves them and yes, it's hard, but she loves that.  Admittedly that exhausts her, but why should that penalize her?  The whole time, I loved taking her out to lunch or the casino for a break until my money went missing.  Now I can't give her the breaks that we loved having together.  I love my mom unconditionally.  Nobody understands that she is my favorite person.  She tries so hard to make things work and this situation is taking direct aim at her kindness.  I blame Jeffrey Katzenberg and his three female assassins. He's the most incredibly insensitive hateful man I've ever known.  He's a liar, he's vicious and he never knows when to let up.  He knows how special my mom is to me and it reminds him of how his sister and his mom were and it makes him angry, so he takes it out on me.  He's a hateful little man.

Right now I want Bryan Anderson to talk to my mother about what has transpired with this bank account.  The truth.  I want him to ask her about this missing money and what she knows about it.  He knows how to be with my mom.  My mom won't lie to him.  I don't have to hire an investigator because I can have my police contact do this without intimidating my mom and Bryan already knows the truth.  Federal prosecutors and defense attorneys for my friends also know the truth too.  This whole situation is ridiculous to lie about.  Jeffrey is not privy to the information between my friends and their attorneys so nobody can definitively tell anyone what they've already reported.  My friend Jane Wagner, Esq has already told Lisa Damiani the truth so the parties involved in taking this money are already being investigated.  My uncle should not have been so quick to judge me the way he did.  Like I said, though, I love my uncle, it is not his fault for not understanding.

What concerns me most is that I'm falling out of love with my family.  This time for good.  I don't want to help them any longer.  I've spent almost fifty year giving up my life to try to protect them from an evil little girl that killed one family member and tried to kill another one many times.  Clearly it would have been better if I was the one that died.  I gave up so much to try to do something for my dead brother in law that now seems more unappreciated than I could ever have dreamed.  What I tried to do for my nieces is worthless.  Stolen from a bank account and made me a liar.  In my diary, after his death, I promised to do everything I could to be a better person and help them.  I did that, my sister didn't want me to.  I'm finished trying.  My father hates me.  My mother lies to me.  My sister deamonizes me.   My nieces ignore me.  I'm the outcast again.  I want a life for myself, but this family, doesn't need me in it.

It's clear, I've got to go.

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