Happy Birthday To The World's Biggest Dick!

Don't you think that the world's biggest dick should have the biggest dick birthday cake?

Hope he chokes on it!!!  Just relax your throat Jeffrey, it'll slide down easier!!!

Maybe you didn't know but today is Jeffrey Katzenberg's birthday...it's sort of like celebrating the birth of Adolf Hitler or Fidel Castro, I know, but we should always remember the great dictators with the least amount of respect possible so that we don't recreate the same mistakes ever again!!!  Unfortunately I'm told that there's another one out there...a twin.  Yikes.  Two of them?  Can you imagine.  It's like having two Laurie's!

Jeffrey, as you know, has decided, as he grows older, like Benjamin Button, to act more like a child than a mature adult.  Admitting less to his mistakes than he ever has with his "trophy lesbian wife" (hint: Jeffrey they're supposed to get prettier when you upgrade Jeff, not uglier and less heterosexual, but that's another issue)  Never trophy up to a drug addicted home wrecking bipolar lesbian for God's sake!

Now that Missy is his new wife and in total control of Hollywood we can expect to see more role for bitchy self centered lesbians with bad attitudes towards men.  She's come up with some marvelous ideas: "Brokeass Mountains", "Going Down On The Valleys of Dolls", "Breaking Up The Stepford Wives", "The Return of Zena Warrior Princess" (Starring the aging Missy, of course), "Bipolar Bear" (Missy's Life Story: The story of a bipolar lesbian that stalks men and eats them like the cold bitch she is), "How To Be A Gold Digger" (a comedy about how you can tell how stupid a man is by reading through his wallet), "Ridding Myself of Marilyn" a documentary about how Missy got rid of Jeffrey's first wife and kids to become the woman of the house,  "Breaking Bessie" a how to movie about how to manipulate a straight woman into being your pawn...and a slew of movies about how to make men your slave with just a giggle and a hair flip.

For his birthday Missy has decided that Jeffrey should comb his hair behind his ears for that "younger man" look.  She's looking forward to giving dirty looks at the Laker Girls sitting in Marilyn's old seat at Staples Center where she will sneer at all of those girls that are so much prettier than she is.  If they even look at Jeffrey she will have them fired immediately for inappropriateness.  She has decided that his children will only be allowed to call him once a year...if they go through her only.  They are also only allowed to call her "mother" to satisfy the womb that she never used.  Poor Missy was never blessed with a child because God knew that frigid isn't the correct temperature for a fetus to grow in.  Besides, the thorny insides of a bitter lesbian is no place for a child.  Not to mention "mother's milk" shouldn't contain cocaine metabolite and HIV.

I've heard that Fabletics isn't as thrilled with Missy as they use to be.  Maybe Kate Hudson has heard that Missy thinks she isn't that smart.  I'm kind of concerned since I'm the person that suggested that Kate was a brilliant person for this project to be working with.  That was my idea, not Missy's.  I can understand that Kate might not be that thrilled with someone like Missy that thinks Kate isn't the "kind of person" that knows what working out really is...and what fashionistas really want.  I couldn't disagree more with Missy.  Kate is one of the most brilliant people and loving LGBTQ celebrities on the planet, but Missy is kind of known in Palm Springs as the second biggest bullies ever in the lesbian community.  Too bad Jeffrey didn't tell Ms. Hudson the truth.  Maybe Kate should ask Britney Spears what she thinks of Missy and Jeffrey.  That might just set the record straight.  It was my idea to work with Kate in the first place.  I wouldn't be sending any swag Jeffrey's way ever again if I were Kate...your gear belongs on the bodies of loving and kind girls and boys!!!

Happy Birthday Jeffrey!  It's really far too late for you to understand the kind of pain you've caused my family...maybe God will forgive you after Christopher, I won't.